Sunday, December 13, 2009

Oh god.
Oh god.
Mother Nature is fucking with me again.
Another scary coincidence.
Yet this one I can't share with just anyone.
It harps on dark secrets.
Yet, it is so bizarre that I have to share it somehow.
Curse you, fucking ambivalence.
I don't have time for this. I only need to be shut into myself for two more days. Two more days? Can I just have two more days to focus entirely on my personal situation? I'll start caring about other people after then, I promise! Please?
I do have to write it somewhere, though. Just not here.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Guys, I fucked up in academia.
Really bad.
I have to get back to doing my best again.
I'll see you on December 16.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Winter break bucket list

1. See all three other members of my quad from high school
2. See Jessica in person and have some arbitrary form of heartfelt conversation with her
3. Modify the words to the opening theme to "The Fresh Prince of Bel-air" so it applies to my own life, and recite it
4. Finish learning to play my version of "The Walk" by Imogen Heap on the piano
5. Travel to a state that does not border Illinois (cannot be Wisconsin, Iowa, Missouri, Kentucky, Indiana, or Michigan). (This one is the most ambitious)
6. Finish my drawing of "BlogTV Town"
7. Write a song for Jackie about mowing the lawn
8. Throw a snowball at a female (weather permitting)
9. Make a youtube video every Wednesday and release one each Thursday.
10. Organize and list every legitimately completed song I've written.
11. Make Japanese food.
12. Get a N64 controller and a copy of Super Smash Bros.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Maybe I'm not gay. Maybe I'm just a nice person. Assholes.

There are a few people on the internet who thought I was gay at first. I'm trying to figure out why.
Maybe it's because I write "<3" to girls who give me the same sentiment.
Maybe it's because a lot of people on the internet I associate with are gay.
Maybe it's because I'm not a complete tool of a male.

Any ideas?

Friday, November 27, 2009

I had a weird-ass dream last night revolving around a certain musician named Imogen Heap.

I found myself in a strange and very large and spacious building. The building had floors that were twenty feet high or taller, and the hallways all had open ceilings, like at a shopping mall or something. The rooms all had glass walls forming a plane of windows between the rooms and their adjacent hallways. Some of these rooms were offices of professors, so I was apparently at some educational institution for music. For some reason or another, I was required to work on a musical project to turn in to Ms. Heap, as were many other people in the building. I had a partner I worked with in a room on the second floor, but my partner refused to be cooperative. We had until the beginning of her performance in the great hall on the second floor to finish our projects, and time was quickly running out. After a while, I gave up working with this douchebag and I ran down stairs and up other stairs to get to the concert hall to see the performance. At this point is when I woke up.

Possible real-life origins of the elements of this dream:
1. A couple days ago (in reality) I was trying to figure out the notes to "The Walk" by Imogen Heap, and I found out that the song was actually in Eb minor, the most obscure and confusing key signature of all 24 major and minor key signatures, instead of F minor, in which I was trying to originally figure out the song. I found this immensely frustrating, just like the douchebag partner I had in my dream.
2. Imogen Heap was just in Chicago earlier this week, and I resented that I didn't make any effort to go to the performance.
3. "The Walk" has been stuck in my mind for the past few weeks.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

If I were a Dog

I'll TELL YOU how my fucking Thanksgiving went.

I live four separate lives right now. One is at college, one is at home, and one is with my high school friends, and one is on the internet. The one I live at home is a sick, twisted bastardization of what I expected it would be as a child. The few friends I had remained in contact with made wrong turns in their lives. This made me expect Thanksgiving at home to be awkward.

We had our family friends from across the street come to our house, since my relatives are people we don't keep in contact with. But I like it better this way anyway.

I expected it to be awkward, but it turned out all right. We laughed about our experiences in school, and everyone got along great, as we always do.

We finished dinner at about 5PM. We gave our three dogs a little bit of everything that was on the dining room table, because we love them and spoil them. After this, we were joking around when my dog Mophie (originally named "Sophie") started yowling in pain. We rushed over to the family room, where she lay moaning.

Both families gathered around her petting her and trying to comfort her. We scrambled to try and find out what was wrong, but about 40 seconds later I was comforted to find that she stopped grieving. Little did I know that I was supposed to be the one grieving at that point.

Her tongue hung out of her mouth.

She stopped breathing.

The two dads and I rolled her onto a beach blanket, and she was carried out.

My mom, an avid animal lover, took it the hardest by far.

It ruined the rest of out night. But I started thinking--if I were a dog, what would I want as the last thing I do before I die?
I would want food. GOOD food. Like a Thanksgiving dinner.
Well, that's exactly what happened. So I guess if she had to go, this was a good time for her to do it: right after eating a Thanksgiving meal.

RIP Mophie 11/26/09 5:12 PM

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

They're there.
Everywhere I go.
The people who don't matter.
The people who both A) have no confidence in their own ability to judge what is socially acceptable or not, and B) don't know that the best thing is to just be accepting of people who are different, and that there are no criteria people have to fall in line with to be accepted. These are the people who follow. They don't feel like they know what's cool and what's not cool. And it's not because they're bad judges. It's because they don't know that they shouldn't be judges at all.

I was going to room with these guys I made friends with at school. I didn't really have many other friends other than them. So I clung to them. But as I clung and I hung out with them, I grew continually more wary. I was beginning to learn that they...were people who didn't matter.

Most of them were followers. But a couple of them were leaders, or rather, misleaders. Every exclusive clique has them--the people who make the judgments of who is acceptable or not, with their own sets of fictitious criteria upon which they evaluate outsiders.

In particular, this group had one ringleader, who so happens to be one of the most judgmental people I've ever met. He seemed to be confident in his idea of what was socially acceptable or not. This confidence was only stupidity, though, not only because of his high standards, but because he HAD ANY standards. When he set forth the name "Club 10" to our group, I should have known how exclusive he was based on the usage of the word "club." But now I get it.

Other than this ringleader, the others were all mostly followers. Since they didn't have any confidence in their own judgment of what is cool and uncool, they relied on the ringleader's judgment. It's not because they were assholes that they decided to be as exclusive as the ringleader. It was just because they were weaklings. Since they felt that they didn't have the capacity to judge people properly, they relied on Mr. Ringleader to do it for them. In fact, some of them are actually nice guys. But they're weak on the inside, so they listen to the ringleader.

I never thought that I would see behavior like this after junior high, but I sure do. In fact, it's horrendously common, and rampant even. It's ridiculous. There are so many people who just follow. They follow because they don't trust their own judgment about what's cool and what's uncool, and they don't realize that THEY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CHOOSING TO EXCLUDE PEOPLE AT ALL. Some people say "don't judge me," but what they really mean is, "I know you're going to judge me, but don't hold a grudge against me based on any of your judgments." That's akin to racism, sexism, and other "isms" of the sort, even though it may be on a smaller scale. Don't hate people based on their character traits. Hate them based on their bad dispositions.

I think that maybe people follow others like this because THEY aren't socially aware enough themselves. They don't realize that they shouldn't be closing themselves off to people just because they're "uncool," because they're the very same people who do the same. They exclude people, and then wonder why other people won't talk to them for a certain trait they have. DON'T THEY REALIZE WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

This activity goes on on the internet too. There's a character, and he's upbeat and the life of the party. Other people begin to cling to the character. These people together form a group. The character makes a lot of judgments based on who is cool and who is not. The other people follow his judgment. But then the character starts hating on someone that one of the followers actually values as a friend. Is the follower strong enough as a person to stand up for his friend? Chances are, no, he's not. Who would you rather be friends with, in this case? The character, or that guy who is your friend that Mr. Character was hating on?

I actually got into a situation like this in college, and the choice was clear to me at the beginning of this year. I chose the obvious choice. I picked the people who were being hated on. I rarely talk to anyone from the group anymore, because I realize how they function now. They may not realize it, but I do. And it's stupid, like the semi-geeky table of guys at my junior high school who never branches out to any new friends. But they talk about their video games, and make the same tact-less jokes over and over until you get sick of them. I mean, sure, inside jokes are fun, but at some point YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. SOMETHING RELATABLE. Whether they notice it or not, they reflect a social failure. They fail at connecting with other people outside the group. They fail at realizing that judging people is wrong. They fail at recognizing that they are being followers, led by someone with a worldview that is greatly flawed and needlessly exclusive. And they fail at being their own individuals.

The internet is also full of people like this. People who use the internet for socializing are often people who fail at meeting people face-to-face. And these are typically the same people who are too weak to take action in the case of being individuals and renouncing other people's judgments to determine who their friends are independently. And these are the people who don't know not to judge people and exclude them. And these are the people who create bullshit criteria of "what's cool" and "what's not cool" to judge whether or not to accept them as people. And so they call each other out on each other's character flaws, which aren't really flaws at all, and then they start fighting with each other. As this happens, the people like me who know not to judge people so harshly sit back chuckling with our metaphorical buckets of popcorn watching them tear each other apart. Either that, or you know, they just awkwardly cease to talk to each other. Actually, the last thing I just said is a lot more common. If people are too wimpy to make decisions independent of one another's, they're also too wimpy to tell each other off.

People on the internet act very strangely. Cowards have an extreme advantage on the internet, because the interaction isn't face-to-face. You know, cowards. People who never let their true character shine because they're too afraid of other people's judgments. And they're afraid of other people's judgments either because they're just timid, or because their true character SUCKS and they know it. The people who's true character SUCKS and they know it include people who troll on the internet, people who drive aggressively, and people who go to sports games just to scream at and irritate the opposing team and its fans.

The internet provides all sorts of opportunities for cowards. They can hide behind alternate identities, or even remain anonymous if they want. With this anonymity or false identity, they can do any manner of annoying, belligerent, and denigrating things to people without being recognized. There are people who LIVE to watch other people get pissed off. The internet is a harbor for people like that. We like to call them "trolls." But what we're really talking about is people who are cowards and who are looking to be detrimental in small ways to people so they can derive some sort of sick fucked-up satisfaction from it. It can be from poor treatment as a child, or from a lack of parenting, among other things. But no matter what the reason for this psychological malfunction, it's fucked up, it needs to stop, the people involved need to grow up, and it pisses me off.

The people I was friends with in college included many people like this. It's kind of funny how all of these psychological immaturities come together in the same people. It's like they're all correlated.
Well, I'm going to bed. Let me know your thoughts on this, too.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Greetings, oh people who matter.
There were two girls. I hugged one of them. Then the other pretended to punch me in the face jokingly. But there's a subconscious reason for every action we do. She wanted one too. I think she digs me.
I'm fucking stupid.
I've been on this bus struggling to think of something to do to pass the time as I have my internet-less laptop and nothing to do, and in trying to excavate an idea from the far depths of my mind, I didn't think to write anything! I can write anything wherever I go; all I have to do to put it on the blog is copy and paste! DUH!
Whenever I first open my laptop, my immediate instinct is to click directly on Mozilla Firefox. I've done that at least twice so far, not even considering that there IS NO FUCKING INTERNET ON A BUS. I think I may have an addiction. Perhaps I need help.
I'm not sure why, but I ended up in a short traffic jam on Interstate 57, about 10 minutes south of Interstate 80. For some reason, there is a traffic jam at this location about half the time I pass by it, and it's not even a busy or heavily-populated area. I don't know what it is about that place that always gets it all jammed up.
I should have downloaded an arsenal of music to listen to on the bus as opposed to the smattering of a beat the douchewagon behind me is blasting through his headphones. They're probably ear-buds too. The ear-waxy kind.
I don't know how much literary merit these musings bear. I don't know how much I care about how much merit they have. I guess I do care somewhat. I DO need to manipulate these words in the best way that I can so that the thoughts that you think are in my head based on reading this match the actual thoughts I have in my head as closely as possible. So I weave and stretch and move and bang these words into place so that what's in my head ends up being very similar to what ends up in yours. The only problem is that there are infinitely many ways to do it.
There's an annoying kid three seats from the front who keeps asking stupid questions, the epitome of which is "Are we there yet?" I feel like responding, "DID YOU SEE THE BUS FUCKING STOP? 'NO?' WELL THAT MEANS WE AREN'T FUCKING THERE YET. USE YOUR TWO GODDAMN EYES."
In my desperation to find something on my computer to keep my attention, I found a folder I made called "Old mementos." (A couple of obnoxious Harley drivers sped past us just now. I hope they die. Anyway,) In this folder I found the products a tactic I've used to combat insufficient self-esteem that may come my way: conversations I've had on instant messengers with girlfriends I've had in the past.
Sometimes I feel like no one is capable of loving me--hey, we all do at times (for some, it's just more frequently than it is for others). But then I look back at the evidence I've recorded. Hell, you might actually like to try it yourself. It helps you to remember all of the wonderful things you've experienced in your life.
There are some conversations I've saved that are pretty much useless. I know I've had girls I've considered to be mistakes. You don't know until you try it, and I tried it...And it turned out like shit, for some of these girls. Those are the conversations that I don't care to look back on. Some of such conversations are in there. But there are others...MUCH better ones.
So I looked back at those. And I wondered what the hell happened to end all of them (because obviously I'm single now). Some were my fault, some were the girl's. But it's interesting to think about the passion that you felt, the passion that you know is real, and the passion that you thus must be capable of expressing in the future. Fuck, if I've done it before I can do it again. That gives me hope. I wonder if any of you do the same thing.
I should be arriving at the station now. Instead, I'm about 10 minutes away.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

It's too late. But my roommate isn't here, and I don't feel like going to sleep. Thus, I am going to write a bunch of shit in here again. I look back on some of my old posts and realize that HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEY'RE FUCKING HUGE. But you'll listen, won't you?

Should I really care if you want to read all of the musings I write in here? I don't think so. Theodore Giesel p.k.a. "Dr. Seuss" once said, "say what you think, and do what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." If you give a fuck, you give a fuck. And if you don't give a fuck, you don't matter. And if you don't feel like reading this whole thing, I understand that it's a long investment of your time. So don't read all of it. If you do read all of it, I'll assume that A) You REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY like reading, or B) You're obsessing over me and that creeps me out. Stop, please.

There IS a girl I know who really really really likes reading. And she's amazing at it. She puts all of her kindergartener classmates to shame. I don't know if I should write her name on here, because there's a thing called confidentiality and I'm supposed to maintain it as required by my employers, whoever they are. A bunch of people who write a bunch of mandates on paper and give them to people who like killing trees. Whatever.

She used to be shy around me. She thought I was intimidating. Here comes the guy over six feet tall. No one's really sure why he comes here. But he takes the kids outside, one-by-one, like the admitting room into a doctor's office. Not just any doctor's office--the kind with needles. Maybe he uses a syringe to stab kids in the forehead and inject liquid knowledge.

The first time we read together, the first book we looked at wasn't a story. It was a series of words with a picture above it representing the word. Normally, what I'd do is ask the kids what some of the words were, and what letter it started with--we'd use it for letter sounds. THIS girl was reading every last word, breezing through with no mistakes. She went on to read some storybooks. Flawlessly. I was happy. Not only had I found someone whose skills were impressive-- I had found someone like me.

I read Charlotte's Web front-to-back when I was three years old. That's what my mom tells me, anyway. I guess I sort of remember it? The English language was like a puzzle to me--a puzzle I HAD to solve. I wouldn't rest until I got it right.

And now here's this girl. Way ahead of the rest of her class. I could tell she was bored. I had been in her position before. She had little opportunity to move ahead of her class, though she was very capable of doing so. She was bored, like a puppy in an enclosure in an animal shelter waiting for a home. I had to do something.

Some carry iPods with them wherever they go, but I always have a notebook with me. I love to write, and I love to give my neverending thought a place to manifest itself in the real world. I like to explore things that can be seen on paper, like geometry, maps, songs, poems, prose, and whatever randomness that can be written.

On the bus, where there are only strangers to potentially comfort me, I open my notebook and turn to a blank page. With a mechanical pencil in my hand, I sit there with my open notebook and I'm comfortable. I feel safe, safe from the danger of having ideas that spontaneously come to my head become lost forever because they were never written down. Sometimes I won't even write anything, but I'll just be sitting there, thinking. But I'm comfortable.

When I go to the elementary school, I bring a bus schedule and one of my notebooks. I noticed that the smart girl was having trouble with words with double vowels, like "ea" and "ou" and "oa." So I wrote down some words in my notebook and asked her to read them. If her class wasn't going to lead her to make progress, I certainly was going to try to.

As we read more and more, she began to like it more and more. She felt like she could finally be free to be herself, as opposed to trying to dumb herself down to someone she wasn't while she was in the classroom. I know what it's like to be confident about what you can do, and feeling like showing the world what you can do. I want all the kids I tutor to feel that, including her.

Now, she's all smiles around me. She waves, and we actually have somewhat of intelligent conversations. Yes, intelligent conversations, and she's only six (or almost six). I say this because she structures her sentences intelligently and carefully. And when she expresses friendship toward me, I feel that it's because I did something for her.

I'm just glad I could help someone and that I could do it well.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I learned two things from two people last night (as in one from each person).

But before I continue, plug: http://tinychat.com/welcometogoodburger This is the name I intend to keep on my tinychats, at least until I get bored of said name.

The first:
I always thought that there were certain friends of mine that I influenced, and they slowly became more like me as time went on. I wasn't sure what to think about people looking at me and trying to become more like me, because, well, I'm not so perfect. I used to think that certain people liked what they saw in my personality, and they wanted to take pieces of it and make these pieces part of their own respective personalities.
Now I know that what I thought was mainly wrong. I wasn't influencing others to become more like my own character, I was merely making them comfortable expressing those pieces of their own personality that were like mine. They weren't taking from my basket of personality traits; they were only looking at some of the things in my basket of personality traits and saw that some of the traits in their own baskets were the same as some of those in mine, and thus they felt comfortable sharing the ones we had in common.
I know that there's sort of a refreshing feeling you get when you find that some unsuperficial trait that you have, some piece of your individuality, is the same as someone else's. It gives you a confident feeling about the random musings you have come up with. It's kind of like doing your math homework and then comparing your answers with one of your classmates. Chances are, if you and your friend both got the same answer, you must be on the right track.
This knowing that you must be on the right track can also apply to the feelings and thoughts you have everyday in a social context. I was elated to discover that my friend Dave was into writing music for RPG-style video games. It's somewhat of an interest I've had, but I thought it was weird until I met someone else with the same interest, especially when he actually writes the music and does an amazing job of doing so (many of his songs are on iTunes for your listening pleasure). I've had a lot of strange opinions that I've come up with, but many of them have been validated by other people I've connected to, and nothing beats the feeling of finding someone else with your same quirky interests and thoughts. Because that's when you go "FINALLY! MAYBE my thoughts and ideas aren't total shit after all!"
So now I realize that I wasn't influencing people to become more LIKE me, but they were just no longer holding back their personality traits that are like mine because they had a series of revelations in which they went "OMG Paul and I have something in common, and now that I know that there is someone else with this same personality trait as mine, I am going to make it known that we have this same trait AND I am not going to hold back this personality trait anymore!"
Specifically, I'm talking about Dave. I always sort of thought that Dave, coming from somewhat of a religious family, never swore. But when he's around me, he does sometimes. I didn't know if he was observing my propensity for swearing and wanting to become acquire such a propensity, or if he just had the propensity to swear hidden deep inside of him and I didn't know it. It turns out, that the latter option was the correct one. And I should know that Dave, as a thoughtful guy, should have the capacity to invent his own personality based on his own perceptions of his mental tendencies with flying colors. It's not like I could have doubted that though. I should have realized that he was just being himself in the first place, and that he was only letting himself to be free to express his inner more obscure personality traits after seeing that I had the same ones.

2. It's important to take charge of your own personal situation within broader social situations. In other words, if you're thrown into a large group of people, figure out what you believe would represent your own interests and the people around you like the most, and then go fucking do it! At least that's what I should be telling myself. This is because I'm more into having a small number of close friends rather than a large bunch of acquaintances. I'm not into big parties--I'm into learning about people, one by one. Everyone is a mystery, though sometimes the mystery is more easily solved with certain people. Hell, some people don't have a mystery to solve (cough superficial cough). But people with mysteries interest me greatly, and I want to get to know them.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

I'm not sure how legitimate it is to make the judgment that getting an amount of sleep divisible by three hours is the best way to wake up refreshed and feeling positive. All I know is that my average night of sleep isn't going to yield such an amount of time sleeping unless I cut it down to a flimsy six hours. At this point, I have to stay up until 2AM for that to work, because I wake up at 8AM. I may be able to pull this off because me roommate is absent at the moment. FOR THE GOOD OF SCIENCE I WILL PARTAKE IN THIS EXPERIMENT! Getting to know my sleeping tendencies is always a good thing so I can make healthy decisions in the future.

So yes, mom, I am actually trying to convince you that I am making myself healthier by staying up later. XD

This weekend I went to an opera. It was a new experience. I learned that Mozart operas are a lot like Linkin Park. The intensity is high, but it's ALWAYS HIGH; MONOTONOUSLY HIGH. And thus, even though it's stimulating and involved, it's BORING. And ALL THEIR SONGS SOUND THE SAME. It gets old after about 15 minutes (or 15 seconds with Linkin Park).

Other things I did: Watch a movie, play Age of Empires 2, and spend over 2 hours straight in the piano room. In doing that last one, I started figuring out a third Imogen Heap song by ear, "The Walk." I had already figured out "Hide and Seek" and "Come Here Boy."

Monday, November 9, 2009

Welcome to the revamping

I WANNA KNOW WHERE THE GOLD AT
I-
I WANNA KNOW WHERE THE GOLD AT

Sorry. I was just jammin' there for a second.
I tried to focus I REALLY TRIED. And I still feel underconfident about this exam tomorrow. I hope it all goes well, because I am going DIRECTLY to bed DO NOT pass go DO NOT collect 200 dollars after I write this blog post. And spellchecker is underlining "underconfident" in red because it's not actually a word, but FUCK YOU MICROSOFT I USE MY OWN DAMN DICTIONARY AND MERRIAM AND WEBSTER CAN EACH GO FUCK A CACTUS.

ON that note...
I think our apartment for next year is reserved for us to sign the lease! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY PARTYYYYYYYYY Me Dave and Zac. Aww yeah. Shit's gonna be SO cash.

I realize I never expounded on the second thing I learned about myself in that last bit. I also realize that as this blog is associated with the name "paulthemapguy" which reflects my minuscule internet persona, this blog may be easy to find by way of stalkers. Oh well. If anyone is that desperate to find out more about me, this is a treasure trove, or even better, an avalanche. I like the "avalanche" metaphor better because it implies that this blog can easily be overwhelming to someone who doesn't know what he or she is getting into. So it fits.

To all of my close friends to whom I can trust the knowledge contained within this blog, welcome, and realize that you have been chosen. You have reached a certain threshold of trust that most everyone else hasn't. Feel free to read all of this from here on out, as long as you don't blatantly expose this blog to ANYONE you know. And since I can trust you with the knowledge herein, I'm sure I can trust you to keep your mouths shut about this, too.

This is for me to vent, and it is for you, in case you want to keep up with what happens in my life. If you ever want to ask me "what's up?" here is your answer (and "not much" is never an adequate answer, contrary to popular belief). This is for you, the true friend, because you deserve it (unless you're one of the mofos who stumbled upon this site by chance, in which case GTFO).

The next post is an extensive one.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Things I've learned about myself

Jesus Fuck, it's been a long time since I posted something here. But I need to throw something out there for only my close friends to know.

Tonight was the annual barn dance, a night full of friends, dancing, chatting, and awesome. I learned a few things about myself tonight.

1. I am not materialistic
2. I have become colder as I have gone through experiences in which something terrible happens
3. I don't know how to handle being in limbo between friends and dating, and I need a decision one way or the other

Evidence:
I am not materialistic. I invited Erika to come along on the barn dance, and since she wasn't a resident of my dorm which sponsored the activity, she had to pay $5. I just covered her and bought her ticket. She asked if I wanted $5 to compensate. I told her I didn't care, and she didn't give me the $5. This is weird, because she would usually be more persistent in paying me back. I think she was testing me to see if I would resent declining her offer.

I have grown to expect everything due to all sorts of table-turning debacles I have witnessed in my life, and this has made me colder. I spent a good 10 minutes nonstop spilling my guts out about three friends I had that did things to themselves that turned their lives around, whether for better or for worse. One joined the marines, ditched, fled home, then fled to Canada in lieu of pursuit by the U.S. government. He could have served 18 months in the brig if he was caught. He recently married a Canadian woman, with the intent of becoming a Canadian citizen. Another friend has just been declared pregnant suddenly, and is going to give the baby up for adoption. And it was someone who always seemed to me to be very tame and reserved. Third, another one of my friends traveled far to his relatives' place of residence with a complex developed in his mind that he needs to somehow turn his life around. He proposed to his girlfriend and has never told me the news, though we used to be best friends. And he has submitted paper work to the U.S. Air Force and will be called in within the next 6-8 months, having always known the tragic debacle that happened to my first friend.

Yet somehow, I wasn't appalled by any of it. I've always accepted that I'm not very good at predicting things. But when people make terribly large changes to their lives that I don't agree with, I figure that it'll be their loss in the long run. Some people don't have the capacity to learn in any other way but the hard way, and still others seem to never learn.

I talked to the girl who got pregnant on the phone, and for some reason, I didn't even ask her how the hell she managed to get herself in the situation, nor did I reprimand her for doing so. I don't think I need to tell people when they fuck up. If they do fuck up, they should realize it, and rectify their personal ideology so that they make sure never to fucking do it again. If they don't realize it, then they're fubar: Fucked up beyond all repair. If you can't realize when something goes wrong, then you're done for. This is because learning happens in three ways: Learning from mistakes, learning from observation (of things other than mistakes), and learning from being told something. The first is "the hard way," and the last two are "the easy way." Apparently, she didn't learn the easy way. So she had to learn the hard way. But if you can't even learn the hard way, then there's no way for you to learn. And if you can't learn, then you'll just keep doing damage to yourself. The girl, I'm sure, is learning the hard way. She's learned so much in life, I know. I can't wait for these 9 months to get over with, and I'm sure she can't, either, with an intensity that I can't even imagine.

Whether you're learning the easy way or the hard way, you should always make it a point to learn things about yourself. I always try to learn things about myself--that's why I record things in my blog and through my videoblogs. And I try to learn these things about myself so I can correct the things that I don't like and make sure to emphasize my strong points. My friend who fled the Marines was not proficient at learning things about himself. I know this, because this guy was intolerant of any authority above him, especially those who were relatively less intelligent. I knew him since second grade--in junior high he would cuss left and right, and get detentions left and right just for being rebellious against teachers he didn't like. One time he slammed his locker saying "Damn locker." A teacher he wasn't particularly fond of walked by and asked him what he said. He repeated the two words right back to her face. She gave him a detention, and he shrugged adamantly. My mother actually asked him to his face if he had any fucking idea what he was getting himself into. The Marines' training camps were places where absolute idiots would scream in your face orders of various kinds, and no matter what they were, you, the trainee, had to comply. This was EXACTLY the situation I knew he wouldn't be able to stand. So how could I, knowing him, have expected him to be able to stand months upon years training under the very conditions he was notorious for rebelling against? And sure enough, he deserted his training camp near San Diego on an Amtrak train back to the Chicago area, and days later he fled to Ontario.

I guess the lesson here is that you can never determine your purpose in life if you never continuously take notes and observations about your own true character. He made a failure of a decision because he failed to recognize his own rebellious and adamant tendencies. This lesson also applies to figuring out your own brain. I personally know that I am a visual, spatial, mathematical thinker. I know that I like maps, and this is tied in with the modes of thinking I just wrote. I know that my purpose in life should take advantage with my enhanced ability to think visually, spatially, and mathematically. Therefore, I have accordingly made the decision to study civil engineering. It fits me, and I know that it fits me because I have been trying to figure myself out since I was a small child. I'm lucky that I knew to figure myself out at such a young age, because so many people--adults, even--don't realize how important it is to try and figure out how their own minds work. Instead, they just try to follow popular culture, and try to develop their own personality based on the norms suggested by society. These people are the tools.

There are tools, and there are the people I define as "nerds," with the nerds being the people who are genuinely right in the world. They are enlightened, and they know that who they are on the inside isn't determined by what anyone else tells them. They embrace their true character, and they don't give a shit what effects society could potentially have on it. I know this because the nerds are the ones who have passions that are unique, and they thus have unique talents and abilities that not everyone has. And I know that these are the right kinds of people, because without them, we wouldn't have any of the conveniences we have today. All of the things that you haven't invented, created, or conceptualized in your lifetime that exist today, were created by nerds. Most likely, you don't know how to build a computer. You don't know how to design a spaceship. You don't know how to blow glass. These things were all created, invented, and conceptualized by people who are smarter than you in their respective fields: the nerds. And without them...where would we be today?

Yet for some unspeakably wrong reason, people condescend toward the nerds.
That doesn't make any sense, does it?

You know you're talking to a tool when he or she acts condescendingly toward people who have unique interests. I've learned this over the years. Everyone knows I'm that kid who likes maps. I've gotten mixed responses from people on the topic. Some tell me "that's SO COOL!" Others look at me as if to say, "why the hell would you do that?" It makes it easy for me to tell who my real friends are. Friends are people who support you, and like you for who you are. And the right people are the ones who are accepting of people with unique interests, because, as I said before, the people with unique interests are the ones who create, invent, and advance society forward, thus serving a purpose in this way. So, by sharing my strange interest with potential friends, I easily sort out the right people into the category of eventual friends; i.e. the right people are the ones who become my friends, and the inverse.

What we should all do is try to learn those things about our true character. This way, we can know which of our tendencies are negative and negate them, and we can find out our positive tendencies as well so we can take advantage of them, manifest them, and serve a positive purpose in the world. It didn't work for my friends I mentioned at first, but just know not to do what they did. Do what you can to serve a better purpose, and make the world a better place. I sure am trying.

This is my religion. I have no formal religion, and I intend never to partake in one in my lifetime. These are some of the ideas I live by. This is one of the books of the New Testamant, except in my religion. It's part of my personal Bible.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

What happened to when the word for you was "adorable" A
But somehow things changed to the extent that it's horrible C#m
But now the thought's stuck in my head that you're evil F#m
It shouldn't be there because we're just different people D
And I don't know whose fault that is, if it's mine or yours A
But somehow we ended up closing our doors C#m
I think back and acknowledge all the infatuation F#m
And wonder how we got ourselves in this situation. D E

^chords for what I wrote before

GRR I CAN'T FIND MY NOTEBOOK WITH MY OTHER SONG THAT I WAS WRITING...PENISES.
I'll get back to you on that later

Saturday, July 11, 2009

What happened to when the word for you was "adorable"
But somehow things changed to the extent that it's horrible
But now the thought's stuck in my head that you're evil
It shouldn't be there because we're just different people
And I don't know whose fault that is, if it's mine or yours
But somehow we ended up closing our doors
I think back and acknowledge all the infatuation
And wonder how we got ourselves in this situation.

Song lyrics I thought of for no particular reason

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Another buncha shit I came up with in the shower

Why's it so important
For you all to believe in
Something that is larger than life

Something that is more than
Humanity that you can't even
Fucking see with your two eyes

To me all this foreign
Yet somehow I'm still breathin'
And I'm doing just fine staying alive

And if you all are so sure
Then why are there so many people still grievin'
From turmoil and pain and strife

Chords:
Bm
F#m7
Bm
F#m7 G7+

Monday, June 29, 2009

Came up with this in the shower

Get the fuck out of my way
I've got to do something today
So that I can safely say
My life's better than it was yesterday

You're a bitch and three-quarters
For trying to stop me shorter
Than going outside my borders
To where the sun is warmer

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

ALSO COCKS

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Video themes:

Musical Monday: Where I learn to play a song I either figured out by ear or one I wrote myself!
Tuesday News-day: Where I share with you news from around the world...that actually matters.
WTF Wednesday: Where I share with you random idiosyncrasies in everyday life and current events that just don't make sense.
Discussion Thursday: Where I discuss serious issues of philosophy and current events.
Random-ass Friday: Where I share with you random short thoughts I've had over the course of the week.

Agenda:
Sunday- Record Monday's video, compile news stories, sort stories into material for Tues. & Wed. videos
Monday- Upload Monday's video, write & record Tuesday's video
Tuesday- Upload Tuesday's video, write & record Wednesday's video
Wednesday- Upload Wednesday's video, write & record Thursday's video
Thursday- Upload Thursday's video, compile random thoughts & record Friday's video
Friday- Upload Friday's video
Saturday- Work on music for Monday

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Watched "Religulous" by Bill Maher today. Thank humanity for people with the ingenuity to realize the fatal fallacy of believing in a religion. If only everyone had the ingenuity to get above religion. The fate of humanity may depend on it.
Religion may have helped us in the past get to where we are, but maybe "where we are" could be farther along, in terms of technology and human progress, if we never came up with religion. There must have been some compelling reason for peoples to come up with religions, though, if so many civilizations independent of each other created them. One of these reasons could quite possibly be the inferiority complex and a relinquishing of responsibility for taking care of the earth-- living with the idea that there is some body higher than us in power that watches the earth, and takes care of it. After all, how could we humans take responsibility when we have such animal tendencies, and when we are so imperfect?
And since there is so much which we humans do not control, how can we have the highest power? We can't control completely how the lands were formed, and how the winds blow, and what living beings inhabit the earth. Does that mean that there is some conscious being or beings that DO control that? And does the fact that we humans are imperfect necessitate that we should not be the ones who take responsibility for the fate of this planet?
No, and no. We'd like to think that whatever controls the world on the highest scale is a perfect being or collection of such. Well, too bad. The world isn't perfect. There is no such thing as perfection, so quit making up the idea that there is. All we have is us. And all we can do is try to be the best we can be, and take care of the earth the best we can...which we aren't. We aren't because we don't realize that we are the only ones who can take responsibility for the earth and keeping it strong. And we don't realize this because we have this inferiority complex which leads us to tenuously assume that there is some power above us that controls what we can't. But what we don't control is controlled, not by another being, but by the laws of science. It's chemistry, physics, and biology, manifested.

Watch the Youtube video "Fast Food Theology" by TheAmazingAtheist. It's amazing because of its ingenuity and truth.

"Religulous" brings to light a lot of ridiculous facets of religion and many more indications of the fallacy of religion. My only rant about the movie is that it was too much of Bill Maher being a smartass and not enough facts. Whenever a person would try to speak to him, he would interrupt to insert some snide comment or question. I was thinking, "DAMNIT, BILL, JUST LET THE GUY FINISH!" when he was interviewing someone.

According to "Religulous," 16% of Americans claim to not be affiliated with any religion whatsoever. I am proud of the height of that number, but I am disappointed that it isn't higher. Life without religion is the life of a person who is strong enough to have one's own values, who is undaunted by skepticism nor by some overwhelming power that is beyond your control, who has no need to try and redeem oneself for fear of being sent to hell, who strives to good for the earth and its people and not just to save one's own ass, and who refuses to settle for anything other than what can be physically perceived firsthand. Or you can also be a terrible person with little to no morals, but that's another story. I bet there are people who truly believe that a person without God can only be a terrible person with little to no morals. But those would fall into the category of "closed-minded dupes with an IQ on the low end of the scale."
Don't let religion hold you back. And for the most part, it doesn't. I am honestly depressed and have little faith in humanity when I meet anyone who does not give the theory of evolution the recognition it deserves. Compared to evolution, creationism is a fairy tale. Can you honestly believe that the human race was created because a snake talked a woman into eating an apple? Did you ever see evidence of a world being created when you ate an apple? Did you ever see a FUCKING TALKING SNAKE? Did you ever notice that you have a tailbone even though you have no tail? Did you ever take a look at part of the fossil record? Did you know pandas have thumbs? Do you know what atavisms or vestigial structures are? Do you notice the similarities in skeletal structures in mammals, or reptiles, or any other classification of animals? Take a good look at both sides before you make a decision.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Fuck love. That is all.
Venting is a wonderful thing.
If you have a shitload of emotions running amok in your brain and you need to get rid of them, talk about it to someone you trust.
Face it. You've got something on your mind and you don't know how to figure it out. Maybe you would like some help? Do you know anyone who you think will understand and is capable of giving an educated second opinion? If yes, then talk about it! And chances are, if someone is compassionate enough to understand your situation, then that person will also be compassionate enough to hear you out.
If no, how do you know that none of your friends will be compassionate? Have you ever tried to talk about real shit before with anyone?
Some people are afraid of talking firsthand about social situations. They classify it all with the negative category of "drama." Guess what. You're going to have to deal with shit like this at some point in your life. And if you have a problem with someone, be open about it. That's the only way you can get understanding.
Either you be open to people and tell them how you feel, or you hide it and talk shit behind people's backs. Your choice. And if your group of friends isn't open to each other, how can that be actual friendship? Are these friends or just a buncha guys you hang out with? You say they're your friends, but you talk shit about them to your other friends. How can that possibly be true friendship?
So talk to your friends about what you think. If they're understanding and compassionate, it won't hurt anything. If not, well, they need to learn how to be a friend. I'm not saying they need to listen to you spilling your guts all over the place. But at least be able to tell each other, "Hey, you're a nice guy!" or "Dude, your fly's open."



Nonillion is a 9-letter word that uses only 4 letters.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I love the rain. Thanks to it, I spent all of yesterday at the office and driving around and all of today doing calculations at the office. Laid-backness for the WIN!

I wish I could remember the lyrics I came up with for this song I was writing when I was in the shower...Curse you, paper, and your inability to remain intact when in contact with water. You too, computer keyboard.

This is a stab at one of the THREE sets of lyrics I need to crank out now:

I want to let you know that when I spend my time with you
It's heavenly
But when your friends surround us I don't know what I'm to do
And I never see
How to act when they are there because it's odd and such,
How fast we've moved
And even though I didn't either, when you didn't talk much
I was confused

But I saw a glimmer
Of your cuteness that shimmered
And it stood out in the darkness
Brought upon by the lack of starkness

I want to let you know that when I said "hi" to you
Like we do all the time
Intermittently even though I've been here with you
I saw it shine

You went to answer cutely but then you caught yourself
And went on, ignoring
And if it's what I think it was, you wanted no one else
To be shocked by our thing

Buts still I saw that glimmer
Of your cuteness that shimmered
And it stood out in the coldness
Because your friends shouldn't know this
Thing we share

--
I always wondered what a track list would look like if I ever put together an album. If I did, I would make two albums. One would be for my more professional songs with lyrics (mostly) and one would be random unserious stuff.

Songs with words list:

Search for Meaning
The Robin
So Far Away
Thing we Share
Psychological Surrender
Flashlight
Dreams of Flight
Makes me Wonder
Cool with Each Other
Going to the Zoo
Elevator

I should put those in an order that is of optimal awesomeness as opposed to just randomly. I should also make a definitive place, either on paper or on the interwebs, that is to keep all of my notes for song lyrics. There are 11 of them already, and only 2 of the lyrics are done!

I need to work tomorrow. Hopefully more chill-ness. =) I wonder who reads these...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I'm growing impatient.
HAHA I drove to Ottawa and back and got paid for it. If I can do something I love to do (e.g. driving) and get paid for it, that's just the best thing ever.

I don't remember what else I was going to say.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

More Random Thoughts from Week 2

Just felt a raindrop at 7:16 AM. Balls.
Where the hell is Campbell Hill, IL?
80% chance of rain today. One of the iron workers says he saw a bunch on the way here in 2 to 3 hours. (7:08 AM)
Of Montreal stuck in my head. Somehow, it's Tyler's fault.
I'll be the first to admit that I don't know whit. (Hey, that rhymes)
7:00-3:30. That's 17 half-hours. I'm almost done with the first one. Wtf is 1/17 anyway?
I always get Walter Payton and George Foreman confused...
Pissed At Underachieving Losers.
Behind Rambunctiousness is Immaturity Enlightened, And it's Never Not Enjoyable
"My train of thought derailed, caught fire, and crashed into the side of a mountain."
Fuck iPods. I just get songs playing in my head.
Current songs on my mental iPod shuffle: 1) 2nd song I'm writing now for a certain purpose... 2) Trapped in the Drive Thru by Weird Al (don't ask) 3) Take on Me 4) The Robin (a song I'm writing)
Supervisor left 40 minutes ago to go on a "tobacco run". I love how chill this job is.
Plans for this weekend: Friday, 4pm- Drive to Janelle's, arrive at 6pm, stay the night. Saturday: 12pm(ish)- Go home, 2pm- arrive home. 3:30pm-Erika's graduation thing. Sunday- spend the day with Brie! I hope the car's fixed by then
I just saw a one-winged robin. How sad.
Dow Jones increased by 200 points today. Go, Barack, go!
I'm sitting here listening to the sports station on the radio, thanks to my supervisor, during my lunchbreak. The Cubs lost 8 in a row. Lol.
There's a camp they're advertising as "the official summer camp of the Chicago Bulls." I can imagine a bunch of loser parents with fucked-up priorities pushing their children into that.

The minivan broke down yesterday. My parents took it in to get it fixed today. My dad says it'll take them a couple days. It better fucking be fixed by the weekend, because I have a LOT of people I want to see.

Another thing brought to my attention was the "Atheist Challenge." Even being someone who takes the "I don't give a fuck" stance on religion, this intrigues me, partly because I am more an atheist than any other religious classification and partly because it pisses me off to see instances of people lacking awareness, knowledge, and/or reverence for people of differing beliefs.

The Atheist Challenge is a series of questions inquiring about the nature of an atheist's beliefs. Said questions are as follows:

1. Where do you get your morality from?
2. Why do you accept evolution? Explain how you came to your conclusion.
3. What is the meaning and purpose of your life?
4. What is the greatest thing you've ever done for others and why?
5. Would you kill for atheism?
6. Why are you an atheist and why do you consider your position valid?
7. If you died and met god and discovered he/she/it existed, what would you say to he/she/it?
8. What would it take for you to believe in a god?
9. What religion is the most dangerous in your eyes today, and in the past?
10. Name three peaceful religions you have no issue with.
11. Would the world be a better place without religion?
12. How do you feel about government and politics?
13. If you could go back in time and kill Hitler/Stalin as babies, to prevent the killing of millions in the future, and time travel was possible, would you do it?
14. Why is stem cell research so important?
15. Is abortion evil?
16. What would the circumstances need to be for you to approve of abortion, as an individual?
17. Should we save anumals from going extinct?
18. Do you approve of capital punishment?
19. Do you believe in any aliens, ghosts, spirits, souls, or supernatural forces?
20. Would you give your life for a loved one, with the chance you may end up in hell?
21. Explain in detail the process of death.

I'll answer these at some point later on but for now............I don't know.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Random thoughts: Week 2

I just identified the first cowbirds I've seen of the season!

Question: Would you like it better if I told you "I hope it gets better" or if I told you "It'll get better." Should I make the realistic statement or the assumptive one?

Got my grades. I'm satisfied pretty okay.

Ok people. Twitter didn't make the # function so you could spam a phrase, and other people can use it to attract attention to their posts.

When I was little, I used to imagine the cookies and crackers in my pantry to have feelings and personalities, and I'd be afraid to eat them.

Excited to see you again, though it won't be for another week.

I came up with a second song in the shower. I need to go play it before it falls into the back of my mind, never to see anything ever again except for dust mites and cobwebs. Going to play it now!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Random thoughts: Week 1

Things can get pretty uneventful at my job sometimes. I'm basically the inspector that makes sure the stuff that the construction workers build is according to plan, which involves taking measurements and surveying. But it takes longer for the construction workers to build something than it does to check it. So there's some waiting around involved.
What I do to quell this is bring along a pad of post-it notes which I carry around in my pocket. When I have a bit of down-time, I'll find somewhere to more-or-less hide and write down some random thoughts. Because whether I have a place to write thoughts down or not, I will always be thinking about things to occupy that time.
At the end of the week, I plan on writing these short, incoherent thoughts here on my blog. So here is THIS WEEK IN PAUL'S RANDOM THOUGHTS:

It's amazing how someone you've barely even seen in real life can pull on your heart strings. Damn you, new technology. Damn you. =)

It's been 25 minutes and my supervisor hasn't shown up yet. Wtf? (It turns out he was in the back room the whole time =/ .)

Now I understand why a lot of men go home exhausted and seem like chauvinists to their women. It's because of these heavily masculine jobs where they spend their entire day around other men!

I'm glad I brought these post-it notes for me to write down my thoughts. They're an effective expenditure of time. And expenditure of time is just what I need right now.

This job has instilled in me a fear that I've been spending the bulk of my past wasting time educating myself, just so I can fucking stand around, or start from scratch again.

These guys are hilarious. Even when things are fucked up, they keep a sense of humor.

Manholes are like buried treasures that you DON'T want to find.

Dump trucks are important. When you have existing structures that you want to get rid of, the shit has to get out of here somehow.

The whole bridge structure rests on a set of steel girders that span the bed of the creek.

I feel bad for the construction workers, busting their asses as I sit here and watch them.

I now realize why blue and green are my favorite colors. Nature FTW!

The backhoe is a giant beast that manipulates the earth in a way I never could. It's like Jurassic Park or something.

Paul's current status: wimp.

Standing around out here helps me in two ways: 1. I am able to be alone with my thoughts. 2. I get used to being outdoors & on the job site.

Maybe I should just go through a pad of post-it notes every day, writing out random thoughts as they occur.

Put this magic in a basket, float it down the river, and don't know if you'll ever see it again. But keep track of it so you know where it's going.

I hope you come back sooner than later. Or go when I can go.

Goddamn. 2 days out here and I already have a farmer's tan.

I learned what a sleeper slab is!

Philip Defranco's life is SO FUCKING EASY! I am jealous.

Why am I getting paid to do this?

MY POST-ITS ARE NOW WET WITH SWEAT.

I found myself saying, "Aw, my ..'ow' hurts."

The toilets in Union Station have rotating ass-plastic.

I need to toughen up emotionally and physically in the same time period. Well this is great timing.

I can't stop thinking about ...

Every time something external reminds me of her, I'll write the thought preceded by a *.

* Let's start with the song I'm writing for her being stuck in my head.

A lot of us suburban teenagers get so spoiled that we expect every waking moment to be stimulating somehow. That's why they always whine, "I'm bored."

I think I should make a twitter account for these random thoughts, or at least have somewhere on the internet to put them.

Damnit! I can't even use Memorial Day as an excuse to see her!

"If I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know."

You need to share your ideas and experiences and you need to be open to others' ideas and experiences

Thursday, May 21, 2009

New styles coming soon!

SO...last week was finals. That was kind of rough. I did decently, though, to my belief. This week, I have a new job for IDOT (ze Illinois Dept. of Transportation). I get paid $13/hr to stand around and watch people build things. The point is to be a civil engineer that supervises the construction of a bridge across a creek, which happens to be like 3 minutes from my house (score!). But it takes a lot longer for the construction workers to ..construct (what else?) things. So mostly I just watch, and then I'll assess what's being done through some form of surveying/measurements. I don't know WHAT the fuck I'm doing, though. I've never had a job like this before, so above all, this is a learning experience. I still despise the feeling of being useless as these guys do all of the hard work. What's more, my supervisor does most of the engineer work, being the guy who actually knows what the fuck he's doing. I make like $100 a day, though. I think I'm just uneasy about it because I didn't expect this to be a full-time job. Now, all of a sudden, I'm making $100 a day waking up at 6:15am. It's not what I was expecting, so it'll take some getting used to. I'm starting to do that pretty well, so it's all good.

Last Thursday, Mike, Bill, Kyle, Dave and I went walking all-the-fuck over campus, even to the far reaches, from 9pm to 1am. We had to have walked at least six miles. We walked through a cemetery on the south side of campus in the dark. Some of the others were mildly creeped out. It's a CEMETERY. This is why I don't like watching movies.

Today I figured out why I don't like movies. It's because I don't believe the reality of anything in movies happening in real life. The reality within a movie is a distorted one, where every message is conveyed clearly and simply, whether verbally or metaphorically, so that the audience can completely understand with little mental manipulation. Movies are so much more to-the-point, whereas life is not. Sorry, folks, but your purpose in life isn't going to be presented to you, and it's not one concrete thing. It's all the little things you do for people that add up in the end.

I went over across the street to Hallie's and saw Tyler and various people from Oswego I haven't seen in almost a year. They were watching "Taken." They said it was intense and action-packed. I was strangely unmoved watching it. I still didn't believe the feasibility of any of it.

I need to move some things around on this blog, for it is about to serve a new purpose. I'll get to that tomorrow, though, as I need to wake up at 6:20am tomorrow. Good night, y'alls.
wishes he had a camera implanted in his brain. Then I would always look back at the picture of you smiling.

Work is getting better, and my farmer's tan is getting worse. I'm getting used to it. I've just been being a wimp. I'm actually starting to burn on my arms...need to work on that.

Tomorrow's the last day of the week!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

stupidfuckingshittyjob.
I need to stop being a wimp. It's the only thing between the job's being awesome and the stupidfuckingshittyness of it. It's all about attitude.
I can't get you out of my head
It seems that I won't until the day that I'm dead
But if that happens I want you to know
That I hope you'll be with me wherever I go

Random song lyrics. No reason.
Random thought #1:

When you make a connection with someone, you share pieces of yourself with that person. But when you break up, you might never get those pieces back.
For example, your special someone will love a certain song. But after you break up with that someone, that song will remind you of that someone and it'll be ruined.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Take this magic, put it in a basket, float it down a river, not knowing if you'll ever see it again. That is, unless I keep track of where it's going.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Oh man. My brain hasn't been under this much stress in years.

One reason is easily understandable: it's finals week. I don't fully comprehend that I have thus completed 4 final exams, 3 of which lasted me between 2.5 hours and the maximum allowed time for taking the finals, 3 hours. I'm tired.

The other reason is something I don't really want to talk about here. It's so strange, and I feel that most of the people around me would disapprove of what's going on. I'll mention it later probably.

I should write more in this when I get home. I sort of forgot this blog existed, and by that I mean that it sort of sunk back further into my head.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Geez, I forgot what it was like to study diligently. I haven't focused myself this effectively since I've been at college. I've already filled up 12 pages, front and back with drawings of mechanisms of reactions of organic molecules. And somehow, listening to music is helping. Usually I have a very one-track mind, because I'm easily distracted. Or maybe the other way around. Either way, each statement is true in itself. The reason I'm studying so much is because I have two exams tomorrow evening. I took a practice exam, got a B+ on it. I think I'll study just a bit more to bring it up to in A! Because if any class needs a boost right now, it's chem. I got a song stuck in my head, from when the internet duo Rhett and Link sang a song at the drive thru at a Taco Bell to place their order...it was more about the song, though. Check it out at their Youtube channel, www.youtube.com/rhettandlink . Those guys have serious talent. More than some crappy more popular people on there.
I'm turning my focus away from Youtube and more on friends, studies, and life. Oh, and there is also BlogTV. I think I'm more interested in BlogTV than Youtube, with the exception of a certain few people on Youtube. I go onto these websites not only for the lolz and self-indulgent entertainment purposes. I go onto these websites to learn about people's life stories. Have you ever wondered about people, where they come from, what makes them tick, and what their life stories are. Do you ever wonder about the people around you at a public place, like a mall, or even go to the extent of going "people watching"? I do, and that's the reason why I love these websites so much-- because unlike TV and movies, the messages conveyed by these people are honest, come straight from the heart, and are manifestations of the characters and individualities of the people on there. That's what I like about Youtube and Blogtv. While it is a mode of entertainment, it's also a medium through which we are able to connect with people all around the world.
I've been studying too much. But there is still more to be done. I've barely done anything for my physics exam which is also tomorrow. Ffffuck. Just gotta keep chugging.

Monday, April 13, 2009

I rediscovered my journal today. You know, one of those with a cover and actual pages. That's what I was writing in recently. So for all you folks who actually follow this (1 person I actually know), I'm going to write stuff here. It'll probably be a lot of small thoughts incoherently forced together, but it's the small things that make life worth living. It should be taking in the small things for enjoyment, and trying to put out big things to be creative. Though small bursts of creativity are important too. Like writing in this blog or helping a child learn the letter "K", or telling your friend that you like her new haircut.
I'm fucking sick and tired of being fucking sick and tired. I've had this cold for 5 entire days now. It began Wednesday night when I found that it hurt to swallow. By Friday night it had grown into an all-out nasty cold, complete with chest and nasal congestion, so bad that I didn't want to fall asleep because I couldn't breathe adequately.
I figured out a sweet dream I have for accomplishing:
-Get to know people on Blogtv
-Get a car & good video camera
-Go on road trips to meet the awesome people
-Document the travels on camera and make a Youtube Travel Channel

That would be an awesome thing to do. And if it's blogtv, I can see the people on camera so I know for sure it's not some 583-year old rapist.

I haven't sifted through my friends list on Facebook in way too long. Every few months or so, I would go through my whole list of friends in alphabetical order and send something to all of the good ones. It's been 11 months since I last did that. Fail.

Blogtv.com is awesome. It's a site where you broadcast yourself publicly and let people come into your show and chat with you. You can also cohost people (though it tends to be lagalicious when you do that). It's great for learning about people & where they come from, and it also helps you build charisma and fight your fear of people.

My best friends' names are chloraseptic, Halls, and Kleenex until I get better. My body has finally started working to get rid of the damn illness. Can I be healed by tomorrow morning plz?

OH- when I was lying in bed with my spirits lost because of the irritating-ass cold, I put together 13 hypothetical road trips, ranging in length from 10 days to 8 weeks, covering all 10 Canadian provinces and 48 contiguous states and most all the things I am currently intent on visiting in each of them. I wonder if I can go on all 13 of them, one per each year starting.......whenever I get a job? That's what I want to do when I get older: Get a small, quaint place--I don't need that much space--and save my money up for big road excursions.

I invented a new idea. It's called "copisomiotbagitmawoll," which stands for "coalition of people in support of making it known that being a geek is the most awesome way of living life," of which the members would be referred to as "copis" for short. I'm going to make a video about it.

I have to teach the chill'uns tomorrow. Hopefully I don't gag on anyone.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

I'm still alive after the three exams in two days last week. This weekend was pretty much a waste, though I did see Winnie for a short time. Aya's coming next week! And, uh...not much else to say. Oh, it's March now. Wtf is up with that? I'm starting up a new series on Youtube that's just me throwing a random thought out every day, which is all I have time for. I think it'll be a positive thing because youtube is so ADHD it's annoying. No one will sit through a video longer than 3 minutes, and the #1 most subscribed person is just a video of a guy speeding his voice up by a factor of 2. Bunch of hyperactive squirrels.

I'm off to bed now! More on this story at 9. I mean later.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

My God, Jason Mraz gets me going.
Make it Mine is one of the most amazing songs I've ever heard.
Dynamo of Volition is awesome too.
It's inspirational not just through the sound, but through the lyrics. His lyrics actually make sense, unlike a lot of the bullshit that goes around these days.

I owe Dave. He came up and helped me get through my CS machine problem. I've never programmed anything ever in my life before today. I'm going to get 100% (A+!) on it. How do I know? They actually provide the students with a checker that goes through, runs the program (4 times actually), and tells you what grade you're going to get. I kept revising it until I got to 100%. I don't think I would have gotten through it if it weren't for Dave pretty much walking me through it.

My next project for piano is figuring out the chords to Dynamo of Volition. It's titillating.

After the CS was done, I chilled with Bill, Mike, and Ryan. But before we started hanging out, Steve passed by. He was on his way to see his friends across the campus. We had a short talk out in the hallway. I was sitting against the wall against my big, fat, blue pillow with little arms on the side, drawing maps on my 11x17 drawing pad again. He requested a "commission" (as he called it) of a map of Orland Park, his home town. I agreed somewhat enthusiastically (at least in that direction). He said that if I wanted something photoshopped, he would do it for me. Steve's a good guy.

Steve and Dave both pretty much made my day today.

Bill and Mike are cool too, though Bill burst out laughing when he was drinking something, spraying me with drinkables. It was a fun time though...I laughed.

But we thought the zombopacolypse was coming....It all started when Mike, Bill, Ryan and I went to the gas station to get some numnums...and by that I mean candy. Yeah. Badass right? Well, when we were walking to the gas station, we saw the other gas station across the street from the one we were going to (I will never understand business strategies in America) packed with cars blasting subwoofers and jumping around obnoxiously on the pavement. Wtf? You know, the crazy "gangsta" types. Wtf?*

Then, we walked back into Hendrick House. Bill and Mike noticed a red-haired girl to the right down the hallway as we walked in the door. In two seconds, they turned around and she was gone.* They were like HOLY SHIT. So we pressed the button to call the elevator to find that the down button was already lit up for no apparent reason.* ...We pressed the up button and went up the elevator. It stopped at the 9th floor and wouldn't go up.* So we got to the 10th floor finally...and ran into Sam and Amanda. We talked to them about the girl who disappeared, and while we were in the process, the door opens. The girl we were talking about comes out of the elevator with an RA from the other side of the building...and they proceed straight into the stairwell back down. Wtf?* This is a prophecy or some shit...I can feel it.

And now, it is 2AM. I'm going to sleep. Tomorrow's tasks: Physics HW and studying CS.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Stop telling the people on youtube that they're hot and that you want to do them. It's not like these women dress like sluts, or as if they treat STD's like Pokemon.

(Gotta catch 'em all!)
Chem exam- Thurs
Physics prelab- Thurs
Math hw- Thurs
CS prelab- Fri
AAS reading- Mon
Physics HW- Tues

Monday, February 16, 2009

Since I was 12 years, old, I've always noticed that there are two different kinds of people in this world. I used to try to generalize them as Democrats and Republicans, or as liberals and conservatives, or as nerds and boring people. But I haven't been able to pinpoint just what the difference was until today.

It all started in my Asian American Studies class today when we were asked about what we take from out childhood experiences and how that shapes how we live out lives and look at the world. I get it today.

When we are born, we start off with a blank slate when it comes to social behaviors, actions, and tendencies. We don't know how people act. We don't know why they do the things they do. Social norms, stereotypes, and conventions aren't something we know automatically-- they are learned. This includes notions of identity, race, and where you fit into society. By the time we are in middle school and high school, we have a set of ideas of what the world is like-- we have created a world-view. And from this set of things we learn springs a set of expectations of what the world is supposed to be like. This includes anything from why people turn door knobs certain ways, to why people travel in cars instead of walking, to racial stereotypes.

But for some people, there are things which challenge our world-view; there are times when we are urged or forced to ratify our ideology to correct a contradiction. For instance, there is a white 10-year-old boy who lives in rural Indiana and who has never made friends with an African American. A new black student comes to his elementary school and doesn't have anyone to play with, so he asks the white 10-year-old if he wants to play a game with him. He has never known a black person before-- this challenges his worldview about black people.

Another example-- I went to a high school with a high percentage of Asians, mostly Chinese and Korean. They were there primarily to become better scholars. But then I meet a girl who goes there and then she goes to parties at night. But I thought Asians were supposed to be studious! We have a contradiction. So what do I do-- do I refuse to believe her when she tells me how much wine she drank last night, to comply with my worldview?

The difference between the two types of people I mentioned before applies directly to this: One group would not know how to handle such a contradiction because they have little experience in doing so- the other group would be more experienced and able to ratify one's expectations of people in the world.

I call people who are more able to ratify their worldview socially acceptive, or socially adaptable, because they are more able to accept people's differences and more able to adapt to many different social situations.

Think about it. How socially acceptive are you-- how acceptive are you of other people who are different from you? Isn't it a good thing to be socially acceptive?

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Random thoughts!

125th post. That's 5^3 or 1/8th of 1000.

I think there should be a tag for guys to wear so that women can differentiate the men who want to get to know a girl for who she is and those who are just horny.

I'm trying to do homework, listen to music, and dream about things. Like going on an epic road trip to meet all the people I know on the internet, in real life.

When all else fails...draw a free-body diagram.

I want to start a business of coffeehouses where people come to show their talents, not just open-mic. There are more awesome things people can do than sing, play guitar, and try to do stand-up comedy. There are things like juggling, making movies, drawing maps...eh? eh? I think I'm going to call it "Full of Beans" Coffeehouse. It's important for people to learn the diversity of people's thoughts, interests, and individualities. And we can learn the things that make people who they are.

If I share a thought that appears to you as being deep, I'm not just sharing the thought for the sake of being deep. I'm saying it because I feel it's an important thing to say.

You really gain an appreciation for music and the effort behind creating it when you try playing it on the piano, even if the music wasn't piano music in the first place.

Disposable cups: The icon of college life in America.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

It was really fucking warm on Tuesday and yesterday. 61 degrees in February! It stormed yesterday...but Mother Nature decided to do so when I was walking to CS lecture, which is a blow-off lecture anyway. I was soaked. As soon as I walked into the entrance to the building in which the lecture was held, it stopped. Thanks a lot.

Thanks goodness we don't live in Saudi Arabia. A woman was gang-raped, and then sentenced to jail for being gang-raped. Isn't that supposed to be the other way around? Wtf is it with Islamic law and fanaticism?

Second semester seems a lot busier than the first. I'm still adjusting to the new situation, and it's 3 weeks into the semester.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

A collection of random thoughts for today

Preface: Today was the grammy awards!

1. LAZY SUNDAY, WAKE UP IN THE LATE AFTERNOON!...seriously, I woke up at 12:30 today, which makes for 12 hours of sleeping. Wtf, body?
2. Today, I chilled out in the hall with Bill and Ryan; then we went to CRCE to go swimming. The only problem was, my swim trunks mysteriously went missing. Actual dialogue:
Me- "I can't find my fucking swim trunks!"
Bill- "Wasn't this YOUR idea?"
Me- "Yeah-- that's what pisses me off!"
3. I wanted to do math homework today, but it's about material we NEVER FUCKING COVERED IN CLASS! What am I supposed to do?
4. I wasted my 56-degree Saturday doing physics homework. Fucking physics wastes all of my time. I attend 7 hours of class a week for that fucking course. Also FUCK!!!
5. The Grammys were today. How the hell does someone as mind-numbingly terrible as Li'l Wayne get multiple awards?
6. T.I., some rapper, was ...rapping... alongside Justin Timberlake's singing. Thanks for cramping his style, as well as my capacity to watch the Grammys anymore. Who the hell decides to make their rapper name a brand name of calculator?
7. What was with that guy from the Recording Academy talking about a Secretary of the Arts? And what the hell even is the Recording Academy? And wtf? Obama won grammys? Is this supposed to be some metaphor? Quit being a suck-up!
8. Apparently, there are record-breaking wildfires in Australia. Hmm. That's a world-suck.
9. Best rap album...That's like trying to choose among George Bush and John Kerry for President...or like looking for the strongest hamster to pull your Excursion out of a ditch.
10. I'm tired of losing all my socks. It's because of those damn elves. Keebler elves. Those cookies you've been eating are made out of socks. And young children's broken dreams. But mostly socks.
11. Oh yeah. Friday night, we played Apples to Apples on a set-up card table...in the ELEVATOR!! It was hilarious. Look for the video on Facebook! Or the crappy version on Youtube.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Fuck my life.
Today on the way to work, I got caught up by the train. Between the bus stop where I got off and the school, there are train tracks. So I watch the train pass in front of me, going at 5 to 10 miles per hour, as the wind chill is right around -10. Damnit. But then I see the caboose about to pass in front of me, the light at the end of the tunnel. (And yes, I don't know if this train came from a century ago and traveled through time, but it actually had a caboose.) But then, the train stops. The car next to the caboose is at the intersection of the street I'm walking along and the train tracks. And then, it starts going backwards. Seriously? I have to wait for the whole fucking train to pass by again? And I did. I was 7 minutes late to work.

If that wasn't enough, I walk along Neil St. waiting for my bus to come and take me home, after work. So it comes. And it passes right by me. Great. So I walked to Illinois Terminal- about 10 blocks away. In the subzero wind chills.

Finally, it's 11:25. I'm at the Terminal and I have a class at noon. It's not even a lecture that I can easily afford to miss, either. This is when I BOARD the bus back. I don't return to the dorm until 11:45, when I am to leave the dorm to get to my 12:00 class on time. But I didn't, because I needed to eat; this is thanks to my Tuesday schedule that runs until 5pm.

Thanks, guy who drives the 2 South Red bus. Thanks. A whole. Fucking. Lot.

In other news, I have a shitty-ass grade in math. Matrix Theory? Any math class with "theory" in it. Listen. I don't want to define mathematics. I'm comfortable with notions of addition, multiplication, matrices, and vectors. I BELIEVE you when you tell me that 2+2=4. I don't need to redefine it through complex proofs when it's a fucking SIMPLE CONCEPT TO GRASP IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I had fun teaching at least. The only bad part was having to look at one of the kindergartners' faces covered in crusty solidified snot. Nasty. The 2nd grade accelerated class is great. The kids actually want to learn and they help each other, too. They gave me a bunch of accelerated classes to contrast with the "ghetto" trashy kids I had last semester. I do miss the kindergarteners I had last semester...and I know they miss me, too.

Just because I swear doesn't make me a douchebag. I'm just saying what I feel, and sometimes what I feel requires emphasis to convey it effectively.

I need to eat dinner...and do homework for Physics and math.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

What the fuck. February already? I'm still getting used to my schedule! Which BLOWS by the way. But that's just because I'm a Republican at heart- resistant to change. I'll get used to it. I hope. I start at 8:30 M-Thu and get out all of those days at 5pm except for Monday, when I get out at 4. Fridays are 9 to 3. Yippee-kai-fuckin'-ay.

I remembered how much I hated my local public high school. It wasn't the academic lack of opportunity that pissed me off. It was the people who had no initiative to have a purpose in life that pissed me off.

Super Bowl today. Who fucks a give. Arizona lost I guess. Makes sense. What do you expect from a state where, if you ran for 5 minutes, you'd die.

Shoutout to all y'alls who didn't give a rat's about the Super Bowl. Hooray for not living my life according to preconceived notions of manliness.

Tired.

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Jesus balls! Today was insane. Club 10 decided we wanted to go shopping. (Club 10 is my group of friends here in my dorm hall in college.) So we rounded up a bunch of people and waited outside for the bus to come. The only problem was, the fucking bus didn't show up. Yay -_-. It was supposed to come between 1:59 and 2:05. We said "screw it" eventually, and gave up. This was Ryan, Amanda, Sam, Bill, Steve, Mike, Kyle, and me. So we started to walk back to the dormitory when we got the idea to go to Marketplace Mall instead (that's actually the name of it...how imaginative). But Mike, Ryan, and Steve were already gone. We pretty much left without them, but they had Halo 3 they wanted to play anyways. So we were off! And as SOON as we decided to walk the other direction, the bus we were going to take drove by, 5 to 8 minutes late. Great job, MTD. The 5 of us that were left got on the 20N Red bus to the mall. We walked around, observed some pretty strange people, and bought a few things among all of us. Then we got on the 20Nred again and went to Meijer. This was probably more fun than the mall anyway, because we tried on stupid sunglasses, got our blood pressure taken, and played with the toys in the sporting goods section. You know those things that are like skateboards but only have two wheels (Ripstiks or something)? Sam and I tried to use one and almost bit it-- they are SO hard to use. I could NOT get the hang of it.

Then we came back. Once again, the bus was 5 to 8 minutes late. Do they TRY for this effect?

Anyway, we got on the 100S yellow bus and passed the mall, where a FUCK-ton of people get on. It was insane. They couldn't fit all of the people on the bus, and were forced to call up and order another to the location. Even so, the bus we were on was packed. I felt like we were in Japan and some guy had to take a big wall-on-a-stick and pack us in the bus. There was a loud trashy black guy in the back talking shit. I would call him African American, but idk, being politically correct about this guy just wouldn't seem politically correct, because he wasn't politically correct himself. Just like I would call stupid white people white trash. Except this guy wasn't white.

Then this huge guy (I would guess 290 lbs) with a limp and perpetually pursed lips came on the bus and sat next to me. And by "next to me" I mean "half-on top of me." I looked to my left in my double-seat and saw a giant ass. A giant ass that was inching in my direction. I stared, praying it wouldn't land on me. But it did; at least it sort of did. He eventually scooted somewhat out of my personal bubble. At least he had a heart.

Then we got off the bus and took the 22N back home. Yippee.

But that's not all! Call now and you can get a SECOND sham-wow ABSOLUTELY.....
...
ok sorry. But that's really not all. We came back and decided we wanted to eat something. We also ran into Meagan, who was interested in food as well. So we went to this coffee/sandwich shop that Bill suggested to us. It was a good place. There was even loud music. The only problem was, the musicians didn't realize that there's a difference between how much sound a concert hall can hold and the amount of sound a small coffee shop can hold. The elementary-school-age girls in front of us were holding their ears, and whenever the musicians started a new song, the first note was always so loud that the girls jumped a little when they heard it.

If that wasn't enough, Meagan Kyle and I got snow from outside and threw snowballs at a few people's doors, because we couldn't find anyone to peg. Dave, Meagan, and I tried to get into the music room but we couldn't because it was occupied. So Club 10 ended up playing cards and pool in the lounge. You get by with what you can.

And now I'm going to sleep because it is ass-late. Good night!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Today was a pretty chill day. Had one class, and it was CS lab (EASY AS HAIYULL); Had some laughs with Club 10 at meals, worked a little bit on the game, played a little Halo with my low level of experience for a while, and played cards with Zac, Dave, and Stephanie. And by "played cards" I mean try to play Euchre while 3 Lewis Black specials played intermittently. I like Lewis Black because he reminds you that it's important to have a sense of humor when your government has been run by a retarded chimp and a dick with ears for the past sixteen years.

I made a new video about why I like Youtube so much.

Zexi called me today. It was nice; I hope to talk to him fo' rizzle tomorrow.

I found the poster on Sxephil's wall at the poster sale yesterday. I decided to pass on that one, and I purchased one of Flight of the Conchords instead.

Haha, Black Mesa is actually the name of a place on the west end of the Oklahoma panhandle. It's actually the highest point in Oklahoma.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

I would be going to sleep, but someone next door decided to take a midnight shower. But that's okay, I'll update you guys instead.

Highlights of my day:

Got to talk to olgakay on the phone during her live show on Blogtv. It was pretty awesome. What was even more awesome is that she wanted me to call her. It was SHE who suggested that I call her- it wasn't my initiative. It feels good to be noticed! Call me an attention whore, but you know you'd love it too.

I went to Tay Zonday's live show also on blogtv and asked him in a text comment (about 6 times before he got to read it b/c the chat was moving so fast) if he really went to IMSA. He said "Yes, for my Sophomore year of high school." So there! Tay Zonday went to my high school! HAHAHA!

On a less exciting note, I did laundry today. A shitload of laundry. Two jam-packed washers full. In fact, when I loaded the clothes into two dryers, someone from the front desk called me to let me know that they had to shut one of the dryers down because it almost caught on fire! I had to split the clothes up so they were in THREE dryers then.

I drew a new drawing thing to keep track of my state quarter collection for my walls today. I divided the 11x17" paper into 50 sections and drew the outline of each of the 50 states from memory, then with the state name and the circular tracing around a quarter. I tape the state quarters I find to the circles. Yep. Paul the map guy strikes again! XP

I've had "Won't Get Fooled Again" stuck in my head all day, especially the organ/synth-type part that's at the very beginning. And, since I went to the room belonging to my friends Zac and Dave, I've had Saturday in the Park by Chicago stuck in my head. I never realized how awesome Chicago is.

I need to get cracking on the RPG I'm making about my friends. I want to finish Part 1 by Jan 31. We'll see how that goes. Part 2 will hopefully be done only a couple weeks after. Part 3 is at ISU, Part 4 is on the moon, and if there is a part in Bill's dream world, it'll be Part 5 and Scotland will be Part 6. If not, Scotland will be Part 5. The last part (6 or 7) will be the final boss fight, with the Dark Lord of Fear.

I has one class tomorrow, from 9-11, so I still have to wake up. I hope I can get myself to work on the RPG all afternoon tomorrow, seeing as I don't start teachin' the chilluns (volunteering at the elementary school) until next week.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Uggh...Do I HAVE to?

I actually have to wake up tomorrow? I have class tomorrow at 8:30, and it's physics of all things. I have 4 classes tomorrow, and it would be 5 if my physics discussion at 3 wasn't cancelled for the week. Blogtv was slow, but it's nice to have people that come back regularly. It makes it more possible to learn about who they are.

Obama was inaugurated today. Bush was SO shitty of a president that all Obama had to do was promise change to be elected president. I hope people realize that the world isn't going to flip upside-down in a matter of days, though, before they start accusing Obama of not keeping his promise of change. After all, bitches be crazy.

I like how the word "bitch" has shifted into encompassing both genders. Don't discriminate! Everyone can be a bitch!

I was watching a video from this guy named Phil, and he was talking about how it takes a collection of blindly loyal followers to become president. And I think this is true because, let's face it, most people are not free-thinkers. Most people just follow the crowd. It's sad, but it's true. Most people don't think independently, so they follow the grain instead. So in order to get a large majority of people, you need to attract these people who just follow the grain.

It's sad but it's true. Why do you think we have political parties? Why don't we live in a world where every person's views are different and based on their own valid thoughts? Because some people aren't independent enough. A lot of people just pick a side and stick with it. It actually pisses me off.

Winter break. What a waste of life. I would say time, but I feel that I just did nothing purposeful. I feel restricted when I'm at home. I can't be myself. But that's basically the mindset of any teenager.

I want to start a project like Wikipedia, except about road conditions. People can post information about road construction, traffic, and common speed traps. They can rate the roads for quality, congestion, and other things.

I also want to start a Youtube project about individuality endeavoring to explain how people define themselves and what makes them an individual. I'm not entirely sure how I want to carry it out yet.

Another thing I want to do is have an online travel show where I take road trips across the U.S.A. in which I can rock out to road trip music, show people random crap I find along the way, show people the awesomeness of traveling, and demonstrate that America isn't just about Disney World and Niagara Falls. It's about the quirks of the people of the places in between.

But I really want to go to a youtube gathering. Everyone there seems to friendly and acceptive. Not to mention inspirational.

I found a roadgeek website. It was awesome to find something that actually acknowledges the existence of map guys like me. The thing is, it's run by a guy aliased as mapguy. That was my idea first. Or at least it was my idea to use it as a title as in "paul the map guy."

Monday, January 19, 2009

Do I really need to point out how much of an ignorant asshole this guy is?

"Well dumbass anywhere is the time or the place as its america and my first amendment right protects my freedom of speech dipshit...secondly sexuality, and race are polar opposites ask a real black man, he'll tell you the same thirdly REAL america the ones that wouldn't run and hide if attacked the ALPHA MALES and ALPHA WOMEN dont accept that homosexuality is OK because its not and it never will be so no matter where or when ill have my opinions known as I am a MAN and I know it! So take your liberalistic secular humanistic bullshit and stick it where the sun dont shine!"

Before you read anything below, remember this: It is always okay to change the way you look at things in the world, and it is NOT a bad thing to learn.
1) First of all, if you're going to present an argument, you probably shouldn't be enough of a pansy to block the comments from the person you're arguing with from leaving comments containing potential counterarguments. Just an idea.
2) I'm using the word "argument" for the sake of simplicity, though this load of bitching at me for presenting my humble opinion defensive of a hateful comment probably should not be technically labeled as an "argument."
3) OK so onto the actual writing. Yes, you have every right to express your opinion, but you also have the freedom to express that you like to kill and eat babies. Does that make it right?
4) How can race and sexuality be polar opposites? That's like saying that loyalty is 17.4 times denser than happiness because that doesn't make sense! And that's probably what a black person will tell you! The POINT I was trying to make apparently went straight over your head, so I'll clarify it for your sake: If you hate gays because they're gay, you are hating someone simply for a trait that they have, and people will agree that this is WRONG. Racism is just like this, because racism is a form of hating someone simply for a trait that they bear, in this case skin color. Hating someone for their sexual orientation is just as bad as hating someone for their skin color, or how big their nose is, or whatever other things you can come up with. Do you get it now?
5) Why are you talking about running and hiding? No one was talking about that! Are you just spouting things you heard from Bill O'Reilly? It's actually pretty funny that you mention running and hiding after you blocked me from responding to your comment!
6) Alpha males and alpha...what? Who gives you the right to say that you're an "alpha male?" And what, are we wolves or something? If you're an "alpha male" then I'm surprised that you even have the intelligence to write an email in halfassed English because you'd be one really intelligent animal!
7) Homosexual men are still men. They each have a penis.
8) On a side note, I'm glad you know that you're a man. I've known since I was a baby that I have a penis... What do you think makes you a man? That you're tough? That you like things like guns and cars and lifting weights and fighting? Well, think about this: these are all stereotypes. You the "man" believe that you are a man because you fit the so-called image that you are "supposed" to be? It's pretty clear that you blindly follow these stereotypes, just as you blindly follow the so-called Conservative notions that surround you.
9) And here's the kicker. Who says that homosexuality is "wrong?" Where did you get that idea? Who told you that? I know you didn't get the idea from thinking about it, because let's face it: you're not a man of thoughts. You just seem to follow. Follow all that's around you and don't come up with a single goddamn thought of your own.
Did you get this idea from the Bible? Do you really think that your God would loathe the existence of gays? Do you really think that he would want you to eliminate their existence? What kind of God is that to believe in? I don't believe in a God who would strike people down just because of some trait they've been born with and have lived with all their lives. There are artifacts and pieces of history that point to the existence of homosexuals in Ancient Greece, even before Christ. Homosexuality has probably been around ever since people have been around, just like people of different color have existed for thousands of years. It's discrimination, and that's that.
10) And since when did being humanistic become a bad thing? Do you even know what that word means? If so, do you really oppose people trying to live happily and successfully? Surely you can't be THAT much of a douchebag.
11) And how could you call me a dumbass? Because I have a different opinion from yours, I am a dumbass? Here's another way you're confused: you seem to confuse your opinions with facts. You see, you aren't always right about everything. This is something most people learn by the time they are 6 years old. I'm not "stupid" because I think differently from you, because your opinions aren't always the right ones, nor are mine or anyone else's. You aren't smarter than me because you believe your opinions. If anything, it's probably the contrary because I think independently and often, and you clearly just follow other people's ideas. But that aside, I hope you really learn that what you're doing is discrimination, that you should not be a coward, and that you should stop listening to the crap ideas around you and start to form real opinions based on your own valid thoughts- because everyone has the power to form their own independent thoughts and opinions, and you are no different. You can do it--start thinking for yourself!