It's interesting that people tell me what to do. It's actually pretty insane for me to listen to any advice on how to live my life, given who I am. I am one of the most thoughtful, introspective, and sensible people I know. There, I said it. And all anyone does when they try to tell me how to live my life-- is tell me what they would be doing with my life if they were in my shoes. And in the process, they expose the flaws of their approaches toward living their own lives.
It's quite educational, really. I get to learn how their perspectives on how to live differ from mine, and therefore, I get to learn the attributes of their respective personal philosophies that I don't like.
Someone is trying to tell me to live my life working a depressing but high-paying job, resulting in a static, dull lifestyle in which the only glitter is gold-- money, that is. Someone else is trying to tell me to go after a million beautiful experiences, and grab whatever I want when I want it, yielding an ever-changing lifestyle.
Neither of these options suits me. The former of the two I mentioned is unappealing for reasons that should be pretty clear. Happiness does not depend on money. The happiest people on earth are not rich. Rich people get spoiled, expect way too much from the world, and complain about everything, depressed.
The latter option fails me because I can't live my life asking for everything. Happiness does not come from the number of experiences you have or from the extravagance of the experiences you have. You can travel the world, go to parties, go on roller coasters, attend concerts, and go on safaris, and still be dissatisfied with your life. There is no limit to the insatiable nature of people. How do you think people in bumfuck nowhere stay happy? By making the most of it, and by having a will to enjoy what you have.
My purpose in life is to help people. My purpose in life isn't to take and take and take from life, and to continue to ask it for more. I realize that I only have one life, but as a male, I seek simplicity. All I want to do is find something, or several things, that I can consistently work on throughout my life that helps others. I thought that becoming an engineer or a mapmaker would satisfy that desire. Making music does, too. I'm also going to make Youtube videos, and I have ideas for a board game...I have all sorts of things that I can contribute, and that's what I focus on. I don't focus on what I want to take. I focus on what I want to give. Life is one big decision of what you want to give to the world. I'm here to help. I want to create inspiration in other people's life, and though I will need at least some intake of inspiration to generate something productive, that's not the main goal. My main goal is to make a difference, not be the one for which someone else makes a difference, though I welcome that. It's just not my main objective, or what I set my sights on. If all I wanted in life was to be the recipient of others' contributions, I would be a strictly selfish person, and I would hate myself.
My purpose is to be a creator. That's the way I look at my life. Therefore, my life is a quest for appreciation for the good things I create and bring to the world, whether they are big projects or everyday deeds. And if you're not going to appreciate what I give to you, I will not want to have anything to do with you. There are people out there who will appreciate the good things that I do, and I know that. My life is also a quest to find those people, who will accept me for who I am and be supportive of what I create. I've reached a point in my life at which I have realized that I need to dump some people at the side of the road because they bring me down and don't even attempt to support me. If there were positives to balance out the negatives and result in a net gain, it would be different. But I'm cutting off the people who are overwhelmingly negative, because I'm a good person, god damnit.
I have the best intentions out of almost anyone I know. I want nothing but good things for people, and I want positive actions to be rewarded. People would see my generosity much more clearly if I had anything to give. My task now is to make myself and everyone around me believe I have a lot to give, and to execute that giving. When I give back to the world, people will see the physical manifestation of my generosity, at which point my generosity will be undeniable. People will see how willing I am to give to them, because the only way to make them see that is to actually give to them. So here we go. We are entering the age of Paul making a positive difference in the world. A very positive difference. I hope you're looking forward to it, because I am. I'm looking forward to living a life that I can smile at as I look back on it. I'm looking forward to being happy with who I am as a person, because as I prove to everyone else how good of a person I am, I will be also proving it to myself.
And if you are willing to stick with me and see where this goes, I want to thank you. I appreciate you being there in my life still, even after the past few months of being a lifeless shell. I assure you all that things are on the upswing, and if you were able to put up with my dumb ass for the past semester, I'd like to reward you by showing you some improvement. A lot of improvement. And by having some fun. Thanks guys.
