I'm here on Earth to search for a meaning.
Well, I've been at this school for 2 1/2 years, and I haven't found it.
I need to look somewhere else.
My meaning is not to go to this school; I am not meant to be here. I'm not sure anyone's meant to be here, except those college-whores and other people hell-bent on studying-- Because that's just about all you can do here.
All I can really do is play the piano and draw my drawings. And study. Who could forget the studying?
But I can't leave. Well, I guess I could. But it's been too long. I have to finish. I've come too far. I'll just spend the next three months wasting away.
I worked out yesterday for the first time in ages. It felt good. I need to do that more often.
There are two types of people in this world.
One type has no meaning.
The other type has meaning.
The type without meaning will constantly be entertaining themselves to distract themselves from the fact that they have no meaning.
The type with meaning realizes that each person has to create one's own meaning, so they have work ethics and try to define themselves.
The type without meaning does not realize that they can change themselves and work to become better people.
The type with meaning does realize that they can change themselves, and they DO work to become better people.
The meaning of a person, in other terms, is will to live. I'm searching for meaning, and hoping that I become happier, or more willing to live (I would only say the second way of putting it but that sounds emo). Springtime will help that. Graduating from this hellhole will destroy the depression I'm experiencing now, because then I will have more freedom and more opportunities to find my meaning.
Here's a suggestion for everyone: create something. Creating something not only does something for the world' it does two other things as well:
1. Creating something is also discovering the possibility of what you create. If you want to write a piano piece (and you're not godlike at music), you can't just formulate it all in your head. You have to play around on the piano and discover it--at least to an extent. It's also learning that what you create is possible.
2. Creating something is the ultimate way of realizing your potential. In creating something, you learn what you, yourself, are capable of. It is the best way to finding your own potential which is under your control.
Love is also another way you can find meaning, but I don't think anyone really controls that.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I was looking at my blog from last year. I appeared a lot more happy. I was a lot nicer. What happened?
I think I've lost faith in these people. Or maybe people in general. The whole WBC thing sure doesn't help. Neither does the shooting in the first place. Neither does the fact that most everybody at this school is only focused on his or her own education. Why is this place so dismal?
I think I've lost faith in these people. Or maybe people in general. The whole WBC thing sure doesn't help. Neither does the shooting in the first place. Neither does the fact that most everybody at this school is only focused on his or her own education. Why is this place so dismal?
Went to Steak and Shake with my bros today. It was really good, but it wasn't enough food! And I got a chicken fingers meal AND a burger!
Whenever February comes along, I feel like posting on my blog more. Maybe it's because I have nothing else better to do in February. February is a really depressing month, because the only thing good about winter is lots of snow, but by February, even THAT grows old. There really isn't anything fun to do anymore. Absolutely nothing.
WARM UP DAMNIT!!
Whenever February comes along, I feel like posting on my blog more. Maybe it's because I have nothing else better to do in February. February is a really depressing month, because the only thing good about winter is lots of snow, but by February, even THAT grows old. There really isn't anything fun to do anymore. Absolutely nothing.
WARM UP DAMNIT!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
In other news...
NIU shooting Thursday. Hooooly fuck.
Everyone says there are five people killed, but they neglect the death of the gunman himself. No one knows quite why he did it, and people are questioning. We all wonder how someone could come to doing this, and how it could have happened within only 20 miles of where we live. I'm going to college next year. I hope it doesn't happen where I'm going.
Speaking of which, I think I know where I'm going. I was accepted to UIUC on Friday. That looks like the best place to go-- so many things fall together. It's cheap, not far away, number one in the NATION in civil engineering, covers a lot of interests, and large. I'd typically want a smaller school, but small engineering schools DON'T HAVE MANY GIRLS GOING TO THEM! And ya gotta have girls.
I'm tired of the fucking cold. It only got up to 13 today, and tomorrow it's supposed to be 5. It's old already. Out with the lame, and in with the awesome, I say.
The most fun I had all weekend is when I went with Hallie and Garrett (aka Fishbag, don't ask) to an Asian supermarket and then Joy Yee's, a Chinese restaurant in Naperville. It was awesome. I didn't really know what to get from the food store, so I just bought a bunch of gummy candies.
Life is sooooo slow and dreary now. Want.....spring. Want....college....
Everyone says there are five people killed, but they neglect the death of the gunman himself. No one knows quite why he did it, and people are questioning. We all wonder how someone could come to doing this, and how it could have happened within only 20 miles of where we live. I'm going to college next year. I hope it doesn't happen where I'm going.
Speaking of which, I think I know where I'm going. I was accepted to UIUC on Friday. That looks like the best place to go-- so many things fall together. It's cheap, not far away, number one in the NATION in civil engineering, covers a lot of interests, and large. I'd typically want a smaller school, but small engineering schools DON'T HAVE MANY GIRLS GOING TO THEM! And ya gotta have girls.
I'm tired of the fucking cold. It only got up to 13 today, and tomorrow it's supposed to be 5. It's old already. Out with the lame, and in with the awesome, I say.
The most fun I had all weekend is when I went with Hallie and Garrett (aka Fishbag, don't ask) to an Asian supermarket and then Joy Yee's, a Chinese restaurant in Naperville. It was awesome. I didn't really know what to get from the food store, so I just bought a bunch of gummy candies.
Life is sooooo slow and dreary now. Want.....spring. Want....college....
Fucking pathetic.
Taken from a facebook group:
The Westboro Baptist church is planning to protest the funerals of the students who lost their lives in the NIU shootings on 2/14/08.
Taken from godhatesfags.com
"Thank God for the shooter at Northern Illinois Univ.
God sent the shooter.
In his wrath and vengeance against an ungrateful nation that has forsaken him and embraced filthy fags.
WBC will picket their hypocritical funerals & memorials & "vigils""
Update: There has been a law passed that has said that any sort of protest, whether it is like the WBC or a counter protest, must be at least 200 feet from the site where the funeral is being held. This means that without an invitation from the family members, no one who is doing any kind of protesting is allowed near the funeral. Do not try to overthrow their voice with music or yelling or any sort of loud noises due to the law, for you will face the same punishment as they would.
So this stone-could-fuck-nuts church thinks that the shootings at NIU on 2-14 were justified. This is what God wants, so it's okay, according to them. And not only are they fucked-up enough to THINK this, but they want to FORCE IT ON OTHER PEOPLE! And not only do they want to force it on other people, THEY WANT TO BARGE IN ON PEOPLE'S FUNERALS TO DO SO!!? Is that the most FUCKED-UP thing you've ever heard in your life?
The facebook group has a picture of a guy holding a sign that says "9-11; gift from God." I don't know if it's a statement or a sarcastic retort. I sincerely hope it's a sarcastic retort.
Someone uploaded a video on youtube with the username of "niuhonor" that says that anyone who comes to protest will be struck down...they don't say how, but they say that. And now, some asshole has uploaded this video in response.
Here's a comment from another user (besides the one who uploaded the video):
The uploader replies:
The Westboro Baptist church is planning to protest the funerals of the students who lost their lives in the NIU shootings on 2/14/08.
Taken from godhatesfags.com
"Thank God for the shooter at Northern Illinois Univ.
God sent the shooter.
In his wrath and vengeance against an ungrateful nation that has forsaken him and embraced filthy fags.
WBC will picket their hypocritical funerals & memorials & "vigils""
Update: There has been a law passed that has said that any sort of protest, whether it is like the WBC or a counter protest, must be at least 200 feet from the site where the funeral is being held. This means that without an invitation from the family members, no one who is doing any kind of protesting is allowed near the funeral. Do not try to overthrow their voice with music or yelling or any sort of loud noises due to the law, for you will face the same punishment as they would.
So this stone-could-fuck-nuts church thinks that the shootings at NIU on 2-14 were justified. This is what God wants, so it's okay, according to them. And not only are they fucked-up enough to THINK this, but they want to FORCE IT ON OTHER PEOPLE! And not only do they want to force it on other people, THEY WANT TO BARGE IN ON PEOPLE'S FUNERALS TO DO SO!!? Is that the most FUCKED-UP thing you've ever heard in your life?
The facebook group has a picture of a guy holding a sign that says "9-11; gift from God." I don't know if it's a statement or a sarcastic retort. I sincerely hope it's a sarcastic retort.
Someone uploaded a video on youtube with the username of "niuhonor" that says that anyone who comes to protest will be struck down...they don't say how, but they say that. And now, some asshole has uploaded this video in response.
Here's a comment from another user (besides the one who uploaded the video):
The uploader replies:
Clearly I don't find it embarrassing. On the other hand, I'd be outright ashamed if my name were attached to some of the anti-WBC comments that have appeared in this talk-back section.
Are you fucking crazy? You would find yourself ashamed to express anger at people who go to the end of RUINING SOMEONE'S FUNERAL to push religious beliefs which are based on a separate reality in the first place? It's like pissing on someone's grave! And you think it's SHAMEFUL to tell someone not to piss on someone's grave. These people are attacking people whose lives are already devastated by the tragedy, and they want to protest the ceremony which honors their lives?
They always say, choose life. They always say that life is better than death. Now I start to feel that certain people really do fall into the category of "people who do not deserve to live."
Are you fucking crazy? You would find yourself ashamed to express anger at people who go to the end of RUINING SOMEONE'S FUNERAL to push religious beliefs which are based on a separate reality in the first place? It's like pissing on someone's grave! And you think it's SHAMEFUL to tell someone not to piss on someone's grave. These people are attacking people whose lives are already devastated by the tragedy, and they want to protest the ceremony which honors their lives?
They always say, choose life. They always say that life is better than death. Now I start to feel that certain people really do fall into the category of "people who do not deserve to live."
Monday, February 4, 2008
Presence of immense power -> inferiority ( -> fear, in some cases)
inferiority + need to adapt to surroundings = need to desensitize oneself
Thus, presence of immense power -> desensitizing
Example: Boot camps desensitize troops before sending them to war
Someone walks into the room you're in with a vacuum cleaner as you watch TV and you turn the TV up. The high volume of the TV drowns out the vacuum cleaner. As the vacuum cleaner is turned off, you don't turn down the TV because you've desensitized yourself to the volume.
Here's a great way to get rid of your fear of the real world: make up your own rules and believe THEM! Make up that the whole universe is run by a man, just like you! It'll make you more at ease if you know that a person, just like you, is in control of things. Because then you'll feel like you have the power, too! And also pretend that you can communicate with him magically and that he can help you. That'll give you more confidence that your reality is reality.
What's more, your belief in your new reality can make thinking easier! Instead of observing things in life and thinking, which takes time, you can accept your reality without question! It can be excruciating to collect data and make conclusions about the world around you. Just keep reverting back to your belief that this man runs the universe!
Guess what. His name is Jesus.
inferiority + need to adapt to surroundings = need to desensitize oneself
Thus, presence of immense power -> desensitizing
Example: Boot camps desensitize troops before sending them to war
Someone walks into the room you're in with a vacuum cleaner as you watch TV and you turn the TV up. The high volume of the TV drowns out the vacuum cleaner. As the vacuum cleaner is turned off, you don't turn down the TV because you've desensitized yourself to the volume.
Here's a great way to get rid of your fear of the real world: make up your own rules and believe THEM! Make up that the whole universe is run by a man, just like you! It'll make you more at ease if you know that a person, just like you, is in control of things. Because then you'll feel like you have the power, too! And also pretend that you can communicate with him magically and that he can help you. That'll give you more confidence that your reality is reality.
What's more, your belief in your new reality can make thinking easier! Instead of observing things in life and thinking, which takes time, you can accept your reality without question! It can be excruciating to collect data and make conclusions about the world around you. Just keep reverting back to your belief that this man runs the universe!
Guess what. His name is Jesus.
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"They don't limit their activities to the funerals of the soldiers?" sad they at all.
Don't you think it's embarrassing by now to be supporting them in any way shape or form?