Regrets. So many regrets. I had the chances to get to know a lot of amazing people. But I didn't take them- or I didn't do so to the extent that I wish I had. Oh well.
I'll miss my friends, of course. But I'm also going to sorely miss the people who I could have gotten to know better, because if the connection to them hasn't already been established, then there will be less of a motivation to keep in touch, and therefore less of a probability of seeing them again.
Mrs. Cain said everyone is a mystery. Holy shit, is that true. I saw a girl who spent a lot of time on her appearance and I thought that meant she was probably superficial. And holy shit, was I wrong. She's actually pretty insightful, very friendly, and quite independent. I made a lot of assumptions. Wrong ones. I wonder who else I could have met that would have defied my expectations.
But it's too late to get to know those people now. All I can do is wait for the next set of people I have to deal with-- the friends I meet in college. I can't focus on my past regrets, because I can't fix what happened in the past. All I can do is learn from the mistakes I made and apply my newly-acquired knowledge to what I do in the future. I'm just trying to become a better person. I'll miss all of you in the class of 2008, and I will miss the opportunities I had to get to know each and every one of you.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Regrets
I am getting owned by nostalgia and regrets.
There were so many opportunities I could have taken. So many people I could have gotten to know better. So many people who could have been great friends.
But I never did anything.
All I did this year was sit in my room, when amazing people were waiting outside.
I think I may have been happier if I lived on the other side of campus. But I like 01 guys better.
Nah, location has nothing to do with it. Forget that last thought. It's just my chicken-shit self not getting out there. All I can do is regret.
Actually, that's not true either. I can regret, but I can also strive to ensure that this doesn't happen in the future- I can make sure that I face my fear of-- well, people. I can get out there more.
That's why I chose Hendrick House, a residence hall full of studious males-- so I can get my ass outside! Plus, it's right across the street from a bunch of people. I hope I have access to enough girls, majoring in engineering.
It's my own damn fault. I really want to change the past. But I can't. Son of a bitch. I am powerless.
I will sorely miss my friends, but I will miss the opportunities I could have taken even more sorely.
There were so many opportunities I could have taken. So many people I could have gotten to know better. So many people who could have been great friends.
But I never did anything.
All I did this year was sit in my room, when amazing people were waiting outside.
I think I may have been happier if I lived on the other side of campus. But I like 01 guys better.
Nah, location has nothing to do with it. Forget that last thought. It's just my chicken-shit self not getting out there. All I can do is regret.
Actually, that's not true either. I can regret, but I can also strive to ensure that this doesn't happen in the future- I can make sure that I face my fear of-- well, people. I can get out there more.
That's why I chose Hendrick House, a residence hall full of studious males-- so I can get my ass outside! Plus, it's right across the street from a bunch of people. I hope I have access to enough girls, majoring in engineering.
It's my own damn fault. I really want to change the past. But I can't. Son of a bitch. I am powerless.
I will sorely miss my friends, but I will miss the opportunities I could have taken even more sorely.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Prom
Prom completely shattered my expectations.
I finished getting dressed-up and ventured outside around 4:15-4:30 to see all teh fellow imsa pplz in their best appearances. There was Schmidty and Rachel, Neal and Maribel, the 03A azn girls who are my friends, Zexi and Jenny, Martin and Sarah, and so much more. I was really surprised at how good Angela and Maribel looked. Neither of them spend a ton of time on their appearance regularly, so that when they did do their best, it was shocking, in an awesome way.
Erika looked great, though I still like her for what she has on the inside. Her whole family was there taking pictures. I'd already met her family, excluding the younger of her older sisters, who sported an attitude I didn't really take to. Her family in general is really nice, though.
We got on the bus around 5pm and set out on I-88 toward Chicago. I'm not talking some puny little piece-of-shit buses--these were full blown high-ass coach buses. Aww yeeah.
We arrived at the Shedd Aquarium. I noticed that there were a lot of staff members who came along. Molly, J.P., Nathan, Bob Hernandez, Dr. Deb, Dr. McLaren, Max McGee and still others joined us there. The first couple of hours was spent meandering around the oceanarium, where most of the marine mammals are housed: dolphins, otters, beluga whales and sea lions all live there. We saw the animals and took pictures and such, which reminds me-- I found at the end of the night that I didn't lose my camera!
After making Erika laugh for a couple of hours (I don't know why she laughs at what I say but whatever), it was time for dinner. We filed into the central room with the big Caribbean Reef exhibit in the middle. Around that tank were tables. Really classy tables. In the dimly-lit setting, these tables were set with lots of silverware and candles which floated on three glasses of water with varying heights. Our table consisted of me, Erika, Steven Cai, Abby Chao, Adam Novak, Kat, Martin, Sarah, Zexi, and Jenny (this is in clockwise order). My dinner was chicken breast in a creamy mushroom sauce with squash. The dessert was even classier--it was a chocolate mousse encased in a large seashell-shaped piece of white and milk chocolate blended together into a stripe pattern, with a few assorted berries as garnish. We toasted a few times, and while we were eating, a Shedd Aquarium staff member, wearing a wet suit with an IMSA Class of 2008 t-shirt on over it, dove into the top of the exhibit to feed the sea animals inside the tank as we ate. As he did, he talked to us through the microphone he had set up...I never expected anything like that to happen.
After eating the food, it was time to dance it away...for about three hours! I did random shit with Erika, as always--I consider being random and funny more special than basically having sex standing up and with clothes on, like many kids were doing, as expected. The biggest highlight of the dancing part was that I started my own conga line, along with Erika! I started doing a conga-like dance (more of a locomotive-type thing if you ask me), and Erika decided to grab onto my shoulders (so I think Erika deserves more of the credit). Then we passed by Maribel and Neal, and they joined on the back of Erika. Before I knew it, we had like fifteen to twenty people! For a period of the dance, I hung out with Macy and Kirk and a big circle of people in the back of the dance floor. That was fun. Oh, and we got rickrolled by Kuchenbecker, who requested the song. I tried to dance in the dorky way that Rick Astley did, but I don't think I pulled it off very well.
What's more, thanks to Kenny Higa, our prom won a contest for a 103.5 Kiss FM DJ to come to our prom. He was a kick-ass DJ, too, throwing in all sorts of monkey wrenches and keeping the night fun. AND we got Kate Voegele (whoever she is-sorry, I don't really know) to perform a few songs. She definitely has talent. The only thing I think that can make her singing better is if she just sings, and doesn't pull a Mariah Carey all the time, embellishing all the long notes with ridiculous amounts of pitch changes (I can't really emulate what I'm talking about in text format, so I hope you know what I'm talking about). She played "Hallelujah" which is an awesome song. It makes me wonder why I hadn't heard it at any previous dances.
Otherwise, I got to experience Dr. Kiely dance to "YMCA," and I thought I did the head motion to "What is Love?" pretty well. The majority of the songs were hip-hip -type songs, but there were some downright fun ones as well, like "YMCA," or "Jump on it." It was hella-fun.
At around midnight, we got on the bus to head over to Navy Pier to get on the cruise boat. Everyone was crashing by that time-it was just too damn late. The first floor of the boat was a lounge area with couches everywhere. By an hour into the cruise, the lounge had turned into a graveyard full of lifeless bodies. They were just too tired. Up one floor was the food area, and there was a lot of food. Some of the foods up there were veggies, chicken wings, cookies, and pasta (I think). Let's just say there was more than I expected. Another floor up was the dance floor and an outdoor deck on the front of the boat, where I spent most of my time. It was more romantic to be there...and it was windier, too. The fourth and final floor was all outdoors, and that was windy too. I was a bit tired, but I enjoyed it. We didn't get back to our halls until about 4:45 AM, which was shocking. It would have been earlier had Kafka never found that empty beer bottle on our bus. They searched all of our bags and came up with all sorts of ridiculous ideas for punishment (courtesy of Adrienne, I'm sure) and the whole bus was in uproar. It appeared such that they (probably just she) were more interested in seeing some punishment than actually solving the problem at hand. They were threatening to take away our Six Flags trip if no one came forward. But then Bob Hernandez got involved eventually, and things went fine. Honestly, I think it was a guest from off-campus who left it there, or someone from a previous trip who used those buses. No one did come forward, but I knew that the administration would never accept a rash way of handling the situation, and we still got to go to Six Flags in the long run.
Prom totally kicked my expectations in the weak spot. I had no idea what I was in for.
[to be continued, I'm going to sleep now]
I finished getting dressed-up and ventured outside around 4:15-4:30 to see all teh fellow imsa pplz in their best appearances. There was Schmidty and Rachel, Neal and Maribel, the 03A azn girls who are my friends, Zexi and Jenny, Martin and Sarah, and so much more. I was really surprised at how good Angela and Maribel looked. Neither of them spend a ton of time on their appearance regularly, so that when they did do their best, it was shocking, in an awesome way.
Erika looked great, though I still like her for what she has on the inside. Her whole family was there taking pictures. I'd already met her family, excluding the younger of her older sisters, who sported an attitude I didn't really take to. Her family in general is really nice, though.
We got on the bus around 5pm and set out on I-88 toward Chicago. I'm not talking some puny little piece-of-shit buses--these were full blown high-ass coach buses. Aww yeeah.
We arrived at the Shedd Aquarium. I noticed that there were a lot of staff members who came along. Molly, J.P., Nathan, Bob Hernandez, Dr. Deb, Dr. McLaren, Max McGee and still others joined us there. The first couple of hours was spent meandering around the oceanarium, where most of the marine mammals are housed: dolphins, otters, beluga whales and sea lions all live there. We saw the animals and took pictures and such, which reminds me-- I found at the end of the night that I didn't lose my camera!
After making Erika laugh for a couple of hours (I don't know why she laughs at what I say but whatever), it was time for dinner. We filed into the central room with the big Caribbean Reef exhibit in the middle. Around that tank were tables. Really classy tables. In the dimly-lit setting, these tables were set with lots of silverware and candles which floated on three glasses of water with varying heights. Our table consisted of me, Erika, Steven Cai, Abby Chao, Adam Novak, Kat, Martin, Sarah, Zexi, and Jenny (this is in clockwise order). My dinner was chicken breast in a creamy mushroom sauce with squash. The dessert was even classier--it was a chocolate mousse encased in a large seashell-shaped piece of white and milk chocolate blended together into a stripe pattern, with a few assorted berries as garnish. We toasted a few times, and while we were eating, a Shedd Aquarium staff member, wearing a wet suit with an IMSA Class of 2008 t-shirt on over it, dove into the top of the exhibit to feed the sea animals inside the tank as we ate. As he did, he talked to us through the microphone he had set up...I never expected anything like that to happen.
After eating the food, it was time to dance it away...for about three hours! I did random shit with Erika, as always--I consider being random and funny more special than basically having sex standing up and with clothes on, like many kids were doing, as expected. The biggest highlight of the dancing part was that I started my own conga line, along with Erika! I started doing a conga-like dance (more of a locomotive-type thing if you ask me), and Erika decided to grab onto my shoulders (so I think Erika deserves more of the credit). Then we passed by Maribel and Neal, and they joined on the back of Erika. Before I knew it, we had like fifteen to twenty people! For a period of the dance, I hung out with Macy and Kirk and a big circle of people in the back of the dance floor. That was fun. Oh, and we got rickrolled by Kuchenbecker, who requested the song. I tried to dance in the dorky way that Rick Astley did, but I don't think I pulled it off very well.
What's more, thanks to Kenny Higa, our prom won a contest for a 103.5 Kiss FM DJ to come to our prom. He was a kick-ass DJ, too, throwing in all sorts of monkey wrenches and keeping the night fun. AND we got Kate Voegele (whoever she is-sorry, I don't really know) to perform a few songs. She definitely has talent. The only thing I think that can make her singing better is if she just sings, and doesn't pull a Mariah Carey all the time, embellishing all the long notes with ridiculous amounts of pitch changes (I can't really emulate what I'm talking about in text format, so I hope you know what I'm talking about). She played "Hallelujah" which is an awesome song. It makes me wonder why I hadn't heard it at any previous dances.
Otherwise, I got to experience Dr. Kiely dance to "YMCA," and I thought I did the head motion to "What is Love?" pretty well. The majority of the songs were hip-hip -type songs, but there were some downright fun ones as well, like "YMCA," or "Jump on it." It was hella-fun.
At around midnight, we got on the bus to head over to Navy Pier to get on the cruise boat. Everyone was crashing by that time-it was just too damn late. The first floor of the boat was a lounge area with couches everywhere. By an hour into the cruise, the lounge had turned into a graveyard full of lifeless bodies. They were just too tired. Up one floor was the food area, and there was a lot of food. Some of the foods up there were veggies, chicken wings, cookies, and pasta (I think). Let's just say there was more than I expected. Another floor up was the dance floor and an outdoor deck on the front of the boat, where I spent most of my time. It was more romantic to be there...and it was windier, too. The fourth and final floor was all outdoors, and that was windy too. I was a bit tired, but I enjoyed it. We didn't get back to our halls until about 4:45 AM, which was shocking. It would have been earlier had Kafka never found that empty beer bottle on our bus. They searched all of our bags and came up with all sorts of ridiculous ideas for punishment (courtesy of Adrienne, I'm sure) and the whole bus was in uproar. It appeared such that they (probably just she) were more interested in seeing some punishment than actually solving the problem at hand. They were threatening to take away our Six Flags trip if no one came forward. But then Bob Hernandez got involved eventually, and things went fine. Honestly, I think it was a guest from off-campus who left it there, or someone from a previous trip who used those buses. No one did come forward, but I knew that the administration would never accept a rash way of handling the situation, and we still got to go to Six Flags in the long run.
Prom totally kicked my expectations in the weak spot. I had no idea what I was in for.
[to be continued, I'm going to sleep now]
Damn, am I behind
Damn. I'm behind by...exactly a month. I'd better post some shit!
May 1, 2008- When I grow up, I want to work for IDOT and take home discarded road signs which I would hang on a wall in my house until the wall is totally covered.
I graduate high school in 30 days. Creepy.
Barkles is lying down right next to me. I'm lying on my side with my head resting on my left hand and my left arm, forming a sort of structure holding my head above the bed. Animals understand sociology and affection better than humans. Animals were never racist, and they never pick on each other for a certain trait they have. They're nice to you if you're nice to them, and if you're mean to them, they refrain from associating with you. They maintain order and get done what they need to get done. People are stupid--how else would a dipshit like George get into office?
Christianity is the epitome of what makes animals better than people. Animals form herds because they need to- but congregations really aren't necessary; individuals can take care of themselves. Religion is another way of categorizing people for the purpose of discrimination. What difference does it make to know what someone's religion is- how are you going to change your attitude if I told you I was Jewish, or if I told you I was a Sikh or a Quaker? Would you change your judgment? I sure as hell as hope not. But I think you would, and that I would do the same, because we're humans who generally make judgments of people based on their beliefs and traits. Animals act based on what they perceive, and that only. Christians act based on something of which there is no proof that it exists. Animals form groups to stay alive. Christians form into groups to form clubs so that they can say they're better than everyone else and threaten eternal damnation if you don't join them. Hardcore Christians find it impossible to revise their beliefs. Animals live and learn. Animals are loyal to those whom they feel deserve it. Christians are loyal to those whom they are forced to be loyal to (i.e. if they don't, they're going to hell). Animals don't discriminate. Christians say they don't, but then, there are the gays. And there were the blacks. And even each other-- remember learning about the Reformation in history class? Animals have sex to survive. Christianity tries to condone sex, but that doesn't exactly work when you're trying to create something that keeps your name in the books and when you're trying to CARRY ON YOUR SPECIES...Christians believe that the world was created in seven days. Animals don't claim to know something they don't, and more importantly, they are completely fine with not knowing how the world was made. In the Christian story of how the world was created, a woman was to blame for making humanity flawed; thus, women are seen as the "fuck-ups" in society, to at least a slight extent-- plus, the story claims that humans were created in the image of God, making humans at a higher level than other living things. Animals don't care about these theories, they don't value men over women (though often one of the genders is bigger and stronger than the other, putting one at a higher level of power--but they don't hate one because of their lower level of power), and they most certainly do not pride themselves with being of a godly image. How stuck-up is that, to say that your race is modeled after God? Whoever wrote THAT part must have been totally full of themselves.
I got a haircut on Tuesday. Macy and I walked to Orchard Road and got some Wendy's beforehand. Wednesday was presentation Day. It went okay, I guess. I only went to 5 out of the 8 sessions. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be there for the whole thing. But what are they going to do? A lot of the presentations involved kids talking about cutting-edge research, none of which they had any real knowledge. Many of the mentorships seem to be opportunities for the kids to do revolutionary work with top researchers, and by that I mean become the top researchers' monkeys and do their busy work. So they just said a bunch of words of which they had little to know understanding. And if they didn't understand what they were saying, how the hell was I supposed to? So what--was I supposed to enjoy listening to a bunch of self-centered people spout a bunch of cryptic scientific jargon of which they had no understanding? And I call it 'self-centered' because these people were mainly doing this mentorship to add something big to their respective resumes. What did they care what the implications of an NKY gene were, or how n-323 binds to the inhibitor of a PO4 phosphate layer of some kind of cell thingy? It was pretty clear that they didn't even know what they were talking about, so it was obvious that they weren't there to pursue something they were actually interested in. They wanted it as credentials, nothing more.
That's what got me. Many of the presentations weren't to share what they had always wanted to learn. They were there to make themselves look good. Don't get me wrong, though-- there were other people who actually did pursue something they really wanted to learn, and in my opinion, these were the right kind of people (except some people in the other category can be the right kind too, if they were forced into their mentorship by some external pressure, like that of their parents). People like this included Erika, Mamatha, Janelle, and Kelsey. It's good to know that SOME people out there aren't totally shallow. It's those shallow people that make me shake my head in disgust here at IMSA.
The IMSA lifestyle more caters to that type of person, I've found-- someone who studies all day and sleeps all night. Since we can't leave our halls past 10PM, we have to do all of our socializing before then. Here are the possible ways to organize one's schedule:
1. After-school activities, homework, sleep
2. After-school activities, socialize, homework, get little sleep
3. Homework, socialize, sleep
4. Socialize, homework, sleep
Most of my friends take route #2 and get little sleep. But IMSA seems to want people to go route #1.
If an IMSA student has commitments after school (most do), and socializing can't be done after 10, people would do their socializing before 10, leaving most homework until after check. This leaves little time for sleeping. If you do your homework before 10, you get to sleep on time. This is the schedule which IMSA seems to favor. IMSA seems to advocate only doing homework and after-school activities: building one's resume. They don't really pay attention to the social, recreational, nutritional, or health aspects of life. There are student organizations that promote these sort of things, but the students that belong to them are too busy to promote anything they want to contribute because they're all doing AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES OR HOMEWORK!
It's all to build up the resume. That's all they care. It's all to help oneself, and who gives a shit about anyone else? Unless your child is a busybody and a selfish bastard, don't send him or her to IMSA.
May 2- I have thoughts. I like that. I wish more people did.
May 3- [Kickass flow chart that I can't post]
I don't wanna go home, blah blah BLAH...
Organizing memories by location, blah blah BLAH...
Oh yeah. Six Flags. I decided to rank all of the rollercoasters in terms of how much they own.
1. Superman. This rollercoaster isn't one to thrill a whole lot, but DAMN, is it fun to ride.
2. Raging Bull. Close second, lemmetellyaz. Now THIS is a thrill ride.
3. Viper. Again, it isn't the BIGGEST thriller, like Superman. But it's always unpredictable and just plain fun.
4. Batman. It's got the thrills. It's got the excitement. Yea-yeah.
5. American Eagle. Pretty fun, no big letdown.
6. Demon. Now we're getting into dukie territory. This would be a fun ride if it wasn't so fucking loud inside the tunnels.
7. Whizzer. Child's rollercoaster. I think I might actually put this above the Demon. It's decently fun, but nothing special.
8. Vertical Velocity. YAWN. It's repetitive and not fun at all.
9. Iron Wolf. OW, MY FUCKING HEAD. BRING IBUPROFEN. Every time you turn a corner, your head clonks into the restraints which have a cushion factor of 2 (out of 10). I'd avoid this one altogether.
*- Deja Vu is disqualified, because out of the 5 or so times I've been to Great America, the RIDE HAS NEVER BEEN OPEN. It is ALWAYS broken down. I think this gets a ranking of 11 out of the 10 rollercoasters.
May 4- ROAD TRIP!
I went driving around Livingston and McLean Counties. We stopped at a few rest areas, and well, here's the breakdown:
- Go to Walgreens at US34 and IL71 for batteries
- Get some cash at the bank
- Take Ridge Rd south to I-80 west to get to a rest area, from which I jacked a map
- I-80 to IL47 south to IL17 W into Livingston County (yay women's prison)
- Pontiac. In Pontiac, there's a park with swinging bridges and another park with crazy metal statues, both of which we stopped at.
- US66 and I-55 south to Bloomington, where we ate at Arby's (on IL-9) and got gas. I mean, we ate at Arby's, and THEN filled up at the gas tank in my CAR...sick-minded, all of you.
- We were going to go to a comic book store in Normal but we both totally forgot. Durka. But we stopped at the Eastland Mall and checked it out. There really isn't much for two guys like Tyler and me to do at a mall, so that didn't take terribly long.
- McLean County. US136 is officially the most boring highway in Illinois.
- Another rest area. This was along I-74 near Farmer City (whose name seems a bit oxymoronic). This rest area was the coolest one we saw. It had shingly roofchitecture (quote from Tyler).
- Farmer City was a nice little town. It had a nice, quaint town square.
- We drove toward Towanda to get back on I-55 and roll back home.
- We hit another rest area just before passing Pontiac again. It wasn't too special.
- At Pontiac (again), we went to the Wal-mart and got some pudding snacks, Triscuits and cheez-whiz. But it was the cheapy Wal-mart brand, so it was actually "Cheese Wow." I call it "40% cheese, 60% plastic."
- Went to the Portillo's on IL59 in Shorewood.
Region 14 complete!
May 5, 2008- Today is my half-birthday. I'm now 18 1/2-- halfway to 37. Half-birthdays are nothing special-- just another day with a somewhat interesting bit of trivia to it.
Last night I changed my calender. May 31st is now in sight. I have a wet-erase laminated calendar that I can write on. When I was writing the numbers in, I decided to end with the week of the 31st, the day I graduate. I was actually able to fit the entire remainder of the year on the calendar, with a week to spare. Holy shit.
What a shitty week it's going to be. I have two tests and a poster due on Friday.
May 6- I picked up my yearbook today. Earlier in my IMSA career, I would have really enjoyed it but right now, I don't feel that I belong here. I am already, in my mind, somewhere else. I like my friends here. But as far as IMSA goes, that's it.
I really don't feel that I belong anywhere, as things stand. My life is turning out strangely like that of my grandfather, whom I was named after. Paul Weiner, my mom's dad, was a hobo around the age of twenty, from what I understand. He had nowhere to go, just like me.
We're moving on to The Fountainhead in English class. The main character is an architect who will not conform to classic architectural styles even to the slightest extent. He is a pure-- a ridiculously pure-- individualist. I'm a lot like Roark (that's his name), but completely unlike Roark at the same time. When I write music, I write with a style that is completely independent from all others, but I write so that the public enjoys my pieces. And in order to write for the enjoyment of people, I must write to suit their values. Roark is ridiculous because he refuses to accept this in order to create things that sell. In order to create things which sell, he has to make them with the concepts that society looks for in mind. The characters that Ayn Rand creates are ridiculous, but I think that's the point.
May 11- Last weekend was the band concery. Vesuvius ROCKED. The band played most excellently *feels like a sophisticated British man*. But I happened to be shocked to receive the John Philip Sousa award--the highest they could offer, basically. I almost shat my pants- I was NOT expecting that. I still don't feel that I deserved it. ...and they pronounced my name wrong, which figures. But I got it! I couldn't believe I got the same award as Rachel, the amazing flute player. [DOES NOT COMPUTE]
Whatever. I'm going to sleep.
Next update: Prom! ...and stuff.
May 1, 2008- When I grow up, I want to work for IDOT and take home discarded road signs which I would hang on a wall in my house until the wall is totally covered.
I graduate high school in 30 days. Creepy.
Barkles is lying down right next to me. I'm lying on my side with my head resting on my left hand and my left arm, forming a sort of structure holding my head above the bed. Animals understand sociology and affection better than humans. Animals were never racist, and they never pick on each other for a certain trait they have. They're nice to you if you're nice to them, and if you're mean to them, they refrain from associating with you. They maintain order and get done what they need to get done. People are stupid--how else would a dipshit like George get into office?
Christianity is the epitome of what makes animals better than people. Animals form herds because they need to- but congregations really aren't necessary; individuals can take care of themselves. Religion is another way of categorizing people for the purpose of discrimination. What difference does it make to know what someone's religion is- how are you going to change your attitude if I told you I was Jewish, or if I told you I was a Sikh or a Quaker? Would you change your judgment? I sure as hell as hope not. But I think you would, and that I would do the same, because we're humans who generally make judgments of people based on their beliefs and traits. Animals act based on what they perceive, and that only. Christians act based on something of which there is no proof that it exists. Animals form groups to stay alive. Christians form into groups to form clubs so that they can say they're better than everyone else and threaten eternal damnation if you don't join them. Hardcore Christians find it impossible to revise their beliefs. Animals live and learn. Animals are loyal to those whom they feel deserve it. Christians are loyal to those whom they are forced to be loyal to (i.e. if they don't, they're going to hell). Animals don't discriminate. Christians say they don't, but then, there are the gays. And there were the blacks. And even each other-- remember learning about the Reformation in history class? Animals have sex to survive. Christianity tries to condone sex, but that doesn't exactly work when you're trying to create something that keeps your name in the books and when you're trying to CARRY ON YOUR SPECIES...Christians believe that the world was created in seven days. Animals don't claim to know something they don't, and more importantly, they are completely fine with not knowing how the world was made. In the Christian story of how the world was created, a woman was to blame for making humanity flawed; thus, women are seen as the "fuck-ups" in society, to at least a slight extent-- plus, the story claims that humans were created in the image of God, making humans at a higher level than other living things. Animals don't care about these theories, they don't value men over women (though often one of the genders is bigger and stronger than the other, putting one at a higher level of power--but they don't hate one because of their lower level of power), and they most certainly do not pride themselves with being of a godly image. How stuck-up is that, to say that your race is modeled after God? Whoever wrote THAT part must have been totally full of themselves.
I got a haircut on Tuesday. Macy and I walked to Orchard Road and got some Wendy's beforehand. Wednesday was presentation Day. It went okay, I guess. I only went to 5 out of the 8 sessions. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to be there for the whole thing. But what are they going to do? A lot of the presentations involved kids talking about cutting-edge research, none of which they had any real knowledge. Many of the mentorships seem to be opportunities for the kids to do revolutionary work with top researchers, and by that I mean become the top researchers' monkeys and do their busy work. So they just said a bunch of words of which they had little to know understanding. And if they didn't understand what they were saying, how the hell was I supposed to? So what--was I supposed to enjoy listening to a bunch of self-centered people spout a bunch of cryptic scientific jargon of which they had no understanding? And I call it 'self-centered' because these people were mainly doing this mentorship to add something big to their respective resumes. What did they care what the implications of an NKY gene were, or how n-323 binds to the inhibitor of a PO4 phosphate layer of some kind of cell thingy? It was pretty clear that they didn't even know what they were talking about, so it was obvious that they weren't there to pursue something they were actually interested in. They wanted it as credentials, nothing more.
That's what got me. Many of the presentations weren't to share what they had always wanted to learn. They were there to make themselves look good. Don't get me wrong, though-- there were other people who actually did pursue something they really wanted to learn, and in my opinion, these were the right kind of people (except some people in the other category can be the right kind too, if they were forced into their mentorship by some external pressure, like that of their parents). People like this included Erika, Mamatha, Janelle, and Kelsey. It's good to know that SOME people out there aren't totally shallow. It's those shallow people that make me shake my head in disgust here at IMSA.
The IMSA lifestyle more caters to that type of person, I've found-- someone who studies all day and sleeps all night. Since we can't leave our halls past 10PM, we have to do all of our socializing before then. Here are the possible ways to organize one's schedule:
1. After-school activities, homework, sleep
2. After-school activities, socialize, homework, get little sleep
3. Homework, socialize, sleep
4. Socialize, homework, sleep
Most of my friends take route #2 and get little sleep. But IMSA seems to want people to go route #1.
If an IMSA student has commitments after school (most do), and socializing can't be done after 10, people would do their socializing before 10, leaving most homework until after check. This leaves little time for sleeping. If you do your homework before 10, you get to sleep on time. This is the schedule which IMSA seems to favor. IMSA seems to advocate only doing homework and after-school activities: building one's resume. They don't really pay attention to the social, recreational, nutritional, or health aspects of life. There are student organizations that promote these sort of things, but the students that belong to them are too busy to promote anything they want to contribute because they're all doing AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITIES OR HOMEWORK!
It's all to build up the resume. That's all they care. It's all to help oneself, and who gives a shit about anyone else? Unless your child is a busybody and a selfish bastard, don't send him or her to IMSA.
May 2- I have thoughts. I like that. I wish more people did.
May 3- [Kickass flow chart that I can't post]
I don't wanna go home, blah blah BLAH...
Organizing memories by location, blah blah BLAH...
Oh yeah. Six Flags. I decided to rank all of the rollercoasters in terms of how much they own.
1. Superman. This rollercoaster isn't one to thrill a whole lot, but DAMN, is it fun to ride.
2. Raging Bull. Close second, lemmetellyaz. Now THIS is a thrill ride.
3. Viper. Again, it isn't the BIGGEST thriller, like Superman. But it's always unpredictable and just plain fun.
4. Batman. It's got the thrills. It's got the excitement. Yea-yeah.
5. American Eagle. Pretty fun, no big letdown.
6. Demon. Now we're getting into dukie territory. This would be a fun ride if it wasn't so fucking loud inside the tunnels.
7. Whizzer. Child's rollercoaster. I think I might actually put this above the Demon. It's decently fun, but nothing special.
8. Vertical Velocity. YAWN. It's repetitive and not fun at all.
9. Iron Wolf. OW, MY FUCKING HEAD. BRING IBUPROFEN. Every time you turn a corner, your head clonks into the restraints which have a cushion factor of 2 (out of 10). I'd avoid this one altogether.
*- Deja Vu is disqualified, because out of the 5 or so times I've been to Great America, the RIDE HAS NEVER BEEN OPEN. It is ALWAYS broken down. I think this gets a ranking of 11 out of the 10 rollercoasters.
May 4- ROAD TRIP!
I went driving around Livingston and McLean Counties. We stopped at a few rest areas, and well, here's the breakdown:
- Go to Walgreens at US34 and IL71 for batteries
- Get some cash at the bank
- Take Ridge Rd south to I-80 west to get to a rest area, from which I jacked a map
- I-80 to IL47 south to IL17 W into Livingston County (yay women's prison)
- Pontiac. In Pontiac, there's a park with swinging bridges and another park with crazy metal statues, both of which we stopped at.
- US66 and I-55 south to Bloomington, where we ate at Arby's (on IL-9) and got gas. I mean, we ate at Arby's, and THEN filled up at the gas tank in my CAR...sick-minded, all of you.
- We were going to go to a comic book store in Normal but we both totally forgot. Durka. But we stopped at the Eastland Mall and checked it out. There really isn't much for two guys like Tyler and me to do at a mall, so that didn't take terribly long.
- McLean County. US136 is officially the most boring highway in Illinois.
- Another rest area. This was along I-74 near Farmer City (whose name seems a bit oxymoronic). This rest area was the coolest one we saw. It had shingly roofchitecture (quote from Tyler).
- Farmer City was a nice little town. It had a nice, quaint town square.
- We drove toward Towanda to get back on I-55 and roll back home.
- We hit another rest area just before passing Pontiac again. It wasn't too special.
- At Pontiac (again), we went to the Wal-mart and got some pudding snacks, Triscuits and cheez-whiz. But it was the cheapy Wal-mart brand, so it was actually "Cheese Wow." I call it "40% cheese, 60% plastic."
- Went to the Portillo's on IL59 in Shorewood.
Region 14 complete!
May 5, 2008- Today is my half-birthday. I'm now 18 1/2-- halfway to 37. Half-birthdays are nothing special-- just another day with a somewhat interesting bit of trivia to it.
Last night I changed my calender. May 31st is now in sight. I have a wet-erase laminated calendar that I can write on. When I was writing the numbers in, I decided to end with the week of the 31st, the day I graduate. I was actually able to fit the entire remainder of the year on the calendar, with a week to spare. Holy shit.
What a shitty week it's going to be. I have two tests and a poster due on Friday.
May 6- I picked up my yearbook today. Earlier in my IMSA career, I would have really enjoyed it but right now, I don't feel that I belong here. I am already, in my mind, somewhere else. I like my friends here. But as far as IMSA goes, that's it.
I really don't feel that I belong anywhere, as things stand. My life is turning out strangely like that of my grandfather, whom I was named after. Paul Weiner, my mom's dad, was a hobo around the age of twenty, from what I understand. He had nowhere to go, just like me.
We're moving on to The Fountainhead in English class. The main character is an architect who will not conform to classic architectural styles even to the slightest extent. He is a pure-- a ridiculously pure-- individualist. I'm a lot like Roark (that's his name), but completely unlike Roark at the same time. When I write music, I write with a style that is completely independent from all others, but I write so that the public enjoys my pieces. And in order to write for the enjoyment of people, I must write to suit their values. Roark is ridiculous because he refuses to accept this in order to create things that sell. In order to create things which sell, he has to make them with the concepts that society looks for in mind. The characters that Ayn Rand creates are ridiculous, but I think that's the point.
May 11- Last weekend was the band concery. Vesuvius ROCKED. The band played most excellently *feels like a sophisticated British man*. But I happened to be shocked to receive the John Philip Sousa award--the highest they could offer, basically. I almost shat my pants- I was NOT expecting that. I still don't feel that I deserved it. ...and they pronounced my name wrong, which figures. But I got it! I couldn't believe I got the same award as Rachel, the amazing flute player. [DOES NOT COMPUTE]
Whatever. I'm going to sleep.
Next update: Prom! ...and stuff.
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