Today I drove away from the greatest source of light shining into my life and giving me energy, as I drove away from the sun which was in the process of setting behind me. The symbolism was so easily conceived that a mediocre fiction writer could have written it, but it was very real. As most think of the sun as the greatest source of light in the physical realm, she is the one who best fits that title in my eyes. When I first pulled away from the airport where I left her today, I regarded it as just another departure, having been our fifth. And while I seem to be getting used to the repeated stiflings of our times together, I also am getting used to the feelings of sudden emptiness and disdain which summon moisture into my eyes after each time this occurs. Another departure, another day of feeling like crying. It's just part of the process.

She suggested that I shouldn't feel bad because we have departed from each other many times now. This is our lives; this is what we do. But the crying and heartbreak doesn't come from naivete with regard to these situations. It doesn't matter how many times this happens or how much practice I have had dealing with it. I'm still going to feel like crying because a large part of my personal foundation is being taken from me. Something is being lost.

The one difference that did occur today was that I kept on moving. Tears welled up in my eyes but I was not debilitated. I got right back in the car, eyes glossed over, and kept moving. I am getting better at dealing with it, but the emotions of heartbreak and emptiness aren't things that subside with time.