I never understood teeth whitening.
Why do they need to be white?
I decided I want mine to be blue.
So I ate nothing but the blue raspberry flavor of Fun Dip for three days straight.
I lost 45 pounds, went to the hospital, and the worst part is,
My teeth didn't even end up blue like I wanted.
They were more of a cerulean; I was looking for more of a royal blue,
AND THAT JUST DIDN'T WORK FOR ME!
That's not the most exciting part though:
The most exciting part is that,
None of that actually happened.
I'll bet none of you believe that though, since I'm such a skinny motherfucker.