Blogging is such a great way to get your thoughts together, especially if you're like me in that you don't think very verbally. It takes more mental effort for me to make my thoughts into words that I can express than it does for most people. Blogging helps me do this. So if someone asks me a common colloquial question like, "hey, Paul, how's college?" or "why are you wearing a Pikachu shirt?" I can tell that person with more ease and confidence because I had already made it into words once before.
On this blog is where I will be posting the material for my youtube series, "Paul's Weekly Random Thoughts." Starting soon, I will be making a short video of about 1 minute or less every day, and releasing a compilation of all of them at the end of each week. That's seven little parts per video. What's more, each day of the week will have a theme. It looks like this is what the list of themes is going to be:
Serious Sundays-- Where I share relatively less light-hearted monologue about life, philosophy, and life in general. I will try to confine the serious ideas to this day (and possibly Thursday...But that's it).
Mondays-- I don't know what to do with Mondays. Maybe a puzzle, game, or question to get the viewers to interact. I might also make this "musical Mondays."
Random-ass Tuesdays-- A completely random idea, straight from the cage of crazed rabid hamsters that is my brain.
One-liner Wednesdays (subject to change)-- One line or quote that is very brief...it can be a serious quote or a random statement.
Thought-provoking Thursdays-- where I share an idea, quote, or all-out puzzle to get the ol' noodle rollin'. That actually sounds gross out of context...
Fucked-up Fridays-- where I share something that is just totally stupid or wrong
Saluting Saturdays-- where I pimp out or recognize someone who does great things, whether a celebrity, a youtuber, or just someone in my everyday life.
I would start the series now but I feel like SHIT...actually I just realized that my sore throat is going away! HALLELUJAH!! Speaking of Hallelujah I'm teaching myself how to play that on the piano. It is one of THE most beautiful songs ever written. It's the version from the movie Shrek. But for now, time for dinner. My mom said she's making cheese tortellini XD.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I wrote this in my notebook on the bus home, then transcribed it
I have never wanted a starman more in my life. We're stucking fuck. There must have been an accident, here between Paxton and Buckley. A 3-hour bus ride is quite possibly the last thing in my life I'd want to prolong. Usually, I do enjoy life on the road...but usually, when I'm on the road, I have the freedom of driving wherever I want.
I have gum in my mouth. I'm contemplating swallowing.
It's going to be awesome not having classes all week, next week. And seeing my dogs, and my mom. Having been at college for three months now, I'm a bit confused regarding what "home" is to me right now. It'll be a strange feeling going back to what I considered home undisputedly for the fifth through eighteenth years of my life.
Because I was bored, the first thing I thought of to do was to draw a map of the section of Illinois I would traverse during this bus ride home. Champaign, Rantoul, Paxton, Buckley, Onarga, Gilman, Ashkum, Clifton, Chebanse, Kankakee, Manteno, I-80. Oh my God, we're only now at Onarga. This bus isn't going to get to Woodridge until at least 9:15 at this rate (it's 7:30 now).
I really don't have much to do now, other than write in this notebook--oh, now we're at Gilman and US24. Oh damnit, he's hitting the brakes again....Phew, it wasn't for long.
Here's the reason why I bought my Pikachu t-shirt. It helps me discern the strong people from the weak people; the awesome people from the lemmings. (Now passing Ashkum.) If someone makes a snotty remark about the shirt, I know I'm dealing with a lemming who just follows what the crowd says is right. Yes, it is a little different. But why can't it be like a shirt with Looney Tunes, a Nickelodeon television show from the 90's, or some other pop-culture reference we remember from when we were kids? Did people seriously never get over the "Pokemon is gay" phase most people went through when they got through junior high?
These are exactly the people I refer to when I use the term "lemming"-- people who, because they are men, have to be "manly"-- people who, because they are in college, have to party and get wasted-- people who, because they are black, have to listen to hip-hop--people who, because they are retarded, have to listen to Souljaboy...okay, that last one was just a theory I made up...because I can't explain why ANYONE would listen to that!
Awesome, Kankakee now.
If you haven't noticed, these statements of what people "have to do" are all STEREOTYPES! These people, the ones I refer to as lemmings, are living their lives by stereotypes, preconceived notions of what they are "supposed to be". How weak is that? They're living their lives by other people's standards as opposed to the standards they create themselves! It's pathetic, and yet, there are so many people who are like this. They don't think for themselves and construct their own opinions; they live by others' thoughts and conceptions. These people also tend to be religious, too, because they can't construct their own collection of beliefs. They instead rely on a set of religious beliefs and a series of stereotypes. Here's what strength is: renouncing that. Renouncing being a lemming. And when people start talking about my Pikachu shirt in a non-negative fashion, I know I have a strong person. Someone who has their own opinions of what's right and what's wrong. Not some beliefs they picked up in junior high that "Pokemon is gay."
I have gum in my mouth. I'm contemplating swallowing.
It's going to be awesome not having classes all week, next week. And seeing my dogs, and my mom. Having been at college for three months now, I'm a bit confused regarding what "home" is to me right now. It'll be a strange feeling going back to what I considered home undisputedly for the fifth through eighteenth years of my life.
Because I was bored, the first thing I thought of to do was to draw a map of the section of Illinois I would traverse during this bus ride home. Champaign, Rantoul, Paxton, Buckley, Onarga, Gilman, Ashkum, Clifton, Chebanse, Kankakee, Manteno, I-80. Oh my God, we're only now at Onarga. This bus isn't going to get to Woodridge until at least 9:15 at this rate (it's 7:30 now).
I really don't have much to do now, other than write in this notebook--oh, now we're at Gilman and US24. Oh damnit, he's hitting the brakes again....Phew, it wasn't for long.
Here's the reason why I bought my Pikachu t-shirt. It helps me discern the strong people from the weak people; the awesome people from the lemmings. (Now passing Ashkum.) If someone makes a snotty remark about the shirt, I know I'm dealing with a lemming who just follows what the crowd says is right. Yes, it is a little different. But why can't it be like a shirt with Looney Tunes, a Nickelodeon television show from the 90's, or some other pop-culture reference we remember from when we were kids? Did people seriously never get over the "Pokemon is gay" phase most people went through when they got through junior high?
These are exactly the people I refer to when I use the term "lemming"-- people who, because they are men, have to be "manly"-- people who, because they are in college, have to party and get wasted-- people who, because they are black, have to listen to hip-hop--people who, because they are retarded, have to listen to Souljaboy...okay, that last one was just a theory I made up...because I can't explain why ANYONE would listen to that!
Awesome, Kankakee now.
If you haven't noticed, these statements of what people "have to do" are all STEREOTYPES! These people, the ones I refer to as lemmings, are living their lives by stereotypes, preconceived notions of what they are "supposed to be". How weak is that? They're living their lives by other people's standards as opposed to the standards they create themselves! It's pathetic, and yet, there are so many people who are like this. They don't think for themselves and construct their own opinions; they live by others' thoughts and conceptions. These people also tend to be religious, too, because they can't construct their own collection of beliefs. They instead rely on a set of religious beliefs and a series of stereotypes. Here's what strength is: renouncing that. Renouncing being a lemming. And when people start talking about my Pikachu shirt in a non-negative fashion, I know I have a strong person. Someone who has their own opinions of what's right and what's wrong. Not some beliefs they picked up in junior high that "Pokemon is gay."
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Song I'm writing
I've been in a few of these old houses in this old neighborhood
But only until then was when my outlooks on my days were good
My loss of faith confines me to the quarters where I feel I should
Remain, but boredom shoos me out the door
I give into its demands for fear of hearing reprimand
I feel the harshness of the cold upon my face and hands
My pessimism gives a silent "told you so" but then I stop and stand
I start to feel something more
As I'm walking down the street
I suddenly am struck; I meet
A house with pretty frames and open doors
I'm guided to the walkway
By a warm wind and a light ray
With a force from the spirit that is yours
You give me a window to look through so then I peer inside
I try to make sure what I'm doing won't be future suicide
My optimism tries to make me thing that it is on my side
When it has failed so many times before
Before, it's led me into darkened halls with marks and damage on the walls
Of memories and spirits chilling bones and making tantric calls
Dying to be removed from the scarred and damaged rooms and halls
But they are trapped within the haunted doors
But this house looks defying
Of the theory I've been trying
To dispose of, that there really is no use
I look around in gratitude
For this nice, newfound attitude
For you to thank for setting me loose
In fascination I begin to wander in the house to find
The spirit letting me inside, that's you, because you were so kind
I want to thank you for all that you've done to keep me from being confined
To where monotony rules all
As I walk among these halls I notice that I can't find any
Marks, visible damages, ghouls, or imprisoned memories
The beauty of the inside's even better than what I could see
It motivates me more to search these halls
I still cannot find you
But there's no way I'll decide to
Turn around and find my way outside the door
I'm relieved to have found
A spirit who's around
Who really bothers to become something more
These walls are damage-free and it provokes a thought to me
I wonder how this house could be so perfect and I think I see
Some people let the world muck up their lives and cut them like a tree
But some will choose to fix what's done them harm
Still searching for your spirit I trudge through doors up and down the stairs
In awe at how the inside's architecture doesn't seem to scare
More later!
But only until then was when my outlooks on my days were good
My loss of faith confines me to the quarters where I feel I should
Remain, but boredom shoos me out the door
I give into its demands for fear of hearing reprimand
I feel the harshness of the cold upon my face and hands
My pessimism gives a silent "told you so" but then I stop and stand
I start to feel something more
As I'm walking down the street
I suddenly am struck; I meet
A house with pretty frames and open doors
I'm guided to the walkway
By a warm wind and a light ray
With a force from the spirit that is yours
You give me a window to look through so then I peer inside
I try to make sure what I'm doing won't be future suicide
My optimism tries to make me thing that it is on my side
When it has failed so many times before
Before, it's led me into darkened halls with marks and damage on the walls
Of memories and spirits chilling bones and making tantric calls
Dying to be removed from the scarred and damaged rooms and halls
But they are trapped within the haunted doors
But this house looks defying
Of the theory I've been trying
To dispose of, that there really is no use
I look around in gratitude
For this nice, newfound attitude
For you to thank for setting me loose
In fascination I begin to wander in the house to find
The spirit letting me inside, that's you, because you were so kind
I want to thank you for all that you've done to keep me from being confined
To where monotony rules all
As I walk among these halls I notice that I can't find any
Marks, visible damages, ghouls, or imprisoned memories
The beauty of the inside's even better than what I could see
It motivates me more to search these halls
I still cannot find you
But there's no way I'll decide to
Turn around and find my way outside the door
I'm relieved to have found
A spirit who's around
Who really bothers to become something more
These walls are damage-free and it provokes a thought to me
I wonder how this house could be so perfect and I think I see
Some people let the world muck up their lives and cut them like a tree
But some will choose to fix what's done them harm
Still searching for your spirit I trudge through doors up and down the stairs
In awe at how the inside's architecture doesn't seem to scare
More later!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
I am OLD.
Know how I can tell?
My birthday was just another day.
Go to school, no one gets you much (except my mom sent me some noodles gift cards and a shitload of cookies, thanks!!), and it's just a normal day. The only difference is having a lot of people write "happy birthday" on your facebook profile.
A shitload of people.
My favorite number in the world of people.
Thirty-seven.
Makes me feel like I have friends. HAHA. shya right.
Nothing's really been happening. Get up. Be tired. Go to school and be tired. Get back. Be tired. Procrastinate. Try to make self study. Go to bed. Repeat.
It's just like shampoo. Lather, rinse, repeat. Except instead of applying shampoo, you are applying stress.
Life is like a giant ass, because all you get out of it is shit.
I'm hungry. I think I'll use some of the FIFTY DOLLARS worth of gift cards my mom got me. Geez. I'm going to have to go there at least 6-7 times to use up all of that.
I like the place...but maybe not THAT much.
I might do a live broadcast for shiggles tonight.
My newest thing is going onto blogtv.com and broadcasting. I sort-of get to learn about people from all over the place. I'm talking to people from Ontario, England, California, Manitoba, Florida, and other places. I've developed some regulars- a number of them that I can count on my hands, but I hope I can get some more people to come out. And that's not limited to people I don't already know- you should come out too..
Know how I can tell?
My birthday was just another day.
Go to school, no one gets you much (except my mom sent me some noodles gift cards and a shitload of cookies, thanks!!), and it's just a normal day. The only difference is having a lot of people write "happy birthday" on your facebook profile.
A shitload of people.
My favorite number in the world of people.
Thirty-seven.
Makes me feel like I have friends. HAHA. shya right.
Nothing's really been happening. Get up. Be tired. Go to school and be tired. Get back. Be tired. Procrastinate. Try to make self study. Go to bed. Repeat.
It's just like shampoo. Lather, rinse, repeat. Except instead of applying shampoo, you are applying stress.
Life is like a giant ass, because all you get out of it is shit.
I'm hungry. I think I'll use some of the FIFTY DOLLARS worth of gift cards my mom got me. Geez. I'm going to have to go there at least 6-7 times to use up all of that.
I like the place...but maybe not THAT much.
I might do a live broadcast for shiggles tonight.
My newest thing is going onto blogtv.com and broadcasting. I sort-of get to learn about people from all over the place. I'm talking to people from Ontario, England, California, Manitoba, Florida, and other places. I've developed some regulars- a number of them that I can count on my hands, but I hope I can get some more people to come out. And that's not limited to people I don't already know- you should come out too..
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Fuck, am I lucky.
I got up at 10:10 this morning. I slept through math on purpose, but I had chem discussion at 10 that I wanted to go to...mainly because of the quiz. That was an "OH SHIT" moment, to say the least. I jumped out of bed, put clothes on, and got my ass out the door. I hauled ass to the chem class to find the class without the TA. She was late. I got to class at 10:22 and we hadn't even started the quiz. I knew that she always does the quiz during the last part of class, and that the quizzes last 20 to 30 minutes. So I took the quiz once she passed it out at 10:30. And I finished in 15 minutes anyway. So I pwned the quiz, but I almost missed my chance to take it!
The reason is because I set my clock for 9PM instead of AM. I did that before and slept through a math quiz because of it. It's too fucking hard to tell if it's AM or PM on my clock. I think I'll just set it to army time from now on.
That's not all of the luck and stupidity that happened today, though. I forgot to bring my homework to my drafting/modeling class to turn in. I could easily have fixed that, though; I just had to turn it in into his mailbox before tomorrow morning. So I took care of that. But shit, man. What happened to me today?
I'm starting to make some friends at the elementary school. There's this one third grader that I'm always helping out. I talk to him and we say hi in the hallways.
The kindergarten class is so much more innocent and friendly. Most of the kids in the fifth grade class have a shitty attitude. It makes sense because they'll be in junior high the following year, and everyone's an idiot douchebag in junior high.
I went on blogtv today. The turnout was terrible, but a bunch of my RL friends came up to help me broadcast...? Steve, Tiernan, Dave, Bill, and Harshith all came in at some point. It was insane. I wish more people would find my show. I need more regulars.
I found some old videos of the hypnotist show senior year at IMSA. It was hilarious. I also found some other videos of living in the quad, like when Chris got high off of helium and exclaimed, "Holy Fuck!"
Going to bed now. I'm so glad I don't have chem lab tomorrow.
I got up at 10:10 this morning. I slept through math on purpose, but I had chem discussion at 10 that I wanted to go to...mainly because of the quiz. That was an "OH SHIT" moment, to say the least. I jumped out of bed, put clothes on, and got my ass out the door. I hauled ass to the chem class to find the class without the TA. She was late. I got to class at 10:22 and we hadn't even started the quiz. I knew that she always does the quiz during the last part of class, and that the quizzes last 20 to 30 minutes. So I took the quiz once she passed it out at 10:30. And I finished in 15 minutes anyway. So I pwned the quiz, but I almost missed my chance to take it!
The reason is because I set my clock for 9PM instead of AM. I did that before and slept through a math quiz because of it. It's too fucking hard to tell if it's AM or PM on my clock. I think I'll just set it to army time from now on.
That's not all of the luck and stupidity that happened today, though. I forgot to bring my homework to my drafting/modeling class to turn in. I could easily have fixed that, though; I just had to turn it in into his mailbox before tomorrow morning. So I took care of that. But shit, man. What happened to me today?
I'm starting to make some friends at the elementary school. There's this one third grader that I'm always helping out. I talk to him and we say hi in the hallways.
The kindergarten class is so much more innocent and friendly. Most of the kids in the fifth grade class have a shitty attitude. It makes sense because they'll be in junior high the following year, and everyone's an idiot douchebag in junior high.
I went on blogtv today. The turnout was terrible, but a bunch of my RL friends came up to help me broadcast...? Steve, Tiernan, Dave, Bill, and Harshith all came in at some point. It was insane. I wish more people would find my show. I need more regulars.
I found some old videos of the hypnotist show senior year at IMSA. It was hilarious. I also found some other videos of living in the quad, like when Chris got high off of helium and exclaimed, "Holy Fuck!"
Going to bed now. I'm so glad I don't have chem lab tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Hmm.
So Winnie has posted a little somthing on her xanga about missing IMSA.
I don't know if I miss it all that much.
I missed some on the people a LOT. Actually, most of the missing I did was in May and early June, when it hit me that I wouldn't be seeing these people together again. Ever. This community. I knew exactly what I would have said as graduation speaker, but I wasn't nominated. Look back into late May and June in this blog. That will prove it.
(Side note: Typing is really annoying when your "V" key has broken off.)
I am more observant than most people. I know this. And because of this, I realized that the IMSA community would dissolve earlier than most people. And I started to miss the community, even before the dissolution: Graduation 2008. I loved the small community feeling. Not this big-ass city feeling of the University of Illinois with its 40,000 people. I have to walk for 10 to 15 minutes to get to my classes now. Hell, it's enough that there are MULTIPLE BUILDINGS which hold classes.
I'm not even that well in touch with the people I knew from IMSA. In this busy world, all we can really do is be friends with the people around you, in your immediate situation, for the most part. That is, except for on weekends.
All I can do is make my OWN small community. And I'm developing one, here on the higher floors of Hendrick House. We've got a group of *counts* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 rooms that are mostly intertwined. At least there are about 15-20 other people that I hang out with on the top floors here. And there are still many more that I talk to. Outside of Hendrick House, I don't have many friends, though-- besides my high school friends, of course. I talk to a few people who live in the Champaign residence halls (6-pack), and that's it.
Since I've done most of the missing of IMSA people in May and June, I'm actually pretty okay with being tens to thousands of miles from IMSA people. And with my new webcam, I can chat with some of them. I've talked to Macy via webcam at least 4 times by now, and he's in Florida. He's pretty much my best friend from IMSA. He's definitely my best friend who's in a different state.
It's rainy and windy. I can hear the wind whistling.
I've been REALLY fucking tired. I don't know what it is. I've been getting 9 to 10 hours of sleep every night since Saturday night. *shrugs*
I just have to accept that I'm going to have only breaks to see my friends from far away.
I'll go see my IMSA friends. But first I have to study calculus.
I've consistently had one mid-term EVERY week since September 18. Isn't that insane how evenly it's been spread out? It holds true until this week. I don't know if I have any tests next week.
Lately, I've been working on learning Viva la Vida (thanks Coldplay for making a song title with lots of V's in it when my V key is broken!) on the piano. I've been really successful doing so- that's going on youtube.
My grandma died on September 21. I never was close to any of my extended family, my mom's side having been mostly dead since I was born and my dad's side being just plain strange. So it wasn't as big of a deal as it could have been. Still, I've decided to go to the service, and it's this weekend. The thing is, it's in Michigan-- the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. So I have to be driven three hours north to home, and then another 7 hours north to the service...and then back again. I've been in a bit of a road trip-withdrawal, so that's good.
The guys next door are douchetacular. And by guys, I mean just one guy. The other one just seems like a douche, but he's actually a good guy on the inside. He just puts on heirs like he's a douche because he thinks it's...cool? He isn't himself, and I don't like it. But I like himself...just not him so much.
I didn't think that alcohol would be so omnipotent here at college. But it is. The douche next door has been vomiting in our toilet at least twice. I don't understand how you would willingly get drunk enough to poison yourself.
I see drinking and doing drugs as cheating at life. If you can't get pleasure in any way other than altering your reality, you aren't doing it right. The words "failing at life" come to mind.
I've got to study for that calculus exam Friday. I have a chem lab that day, too. Chem labs are so tedious. Fuuuuuuck.
And Jones soda ROCKS!
Pure cane sugar KEEPS ME GOING!
FUCK HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP!
THE RIZZLE DIZZLE Y'ALL!
(I am not a sellout.)
So Winnie has posted a little somthing on her xanga about missing IMSA.
I don't know if I miss it all that much.
I missed some on the people a LOT. Actually, most of the missing I did was in May and early June, when it hit me that I wouldn't be seeing these people together again. Ever. This community. I knew exactly what I would have said as graduation speaker, but I wasn't nominated. Look back into late May and June in this blog. That will prove it.
(Side note: Typing is really annoying when your "V" key has broken off.)
I am more observant than most people. I know this. And because of this, I realized that the IMSA community would dissolve earlier than most people. And I started to miss the community, even before the dissolution: Graduation 2008. I loved the small community feeling. Not this big-ass city feeling of the University of Illinois with its 40,000 people. I have to walk for 10 to 15 minutes to get to my classes now. Hell, it's enough that there are MULTIPLE BUILDINGS which hold classes.
I'm not even that well in touch with the people I knew from IMSA. In this busy world, all we can really do is be friends with the people around you, in your immediate situation, for the most part. That is, except for on weekends.
All I can do is make my OWN small community. And I'm developing one, here on the higher floors of Hendrick House. We've got a group of *counts* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 rooms that are mostly intertwined. At least there are about 15-20 other people that I hang out with on the top floors here. And there are still many more that I talk to. Outside of Hendrick House, I don't have many friends, though-- besides my high school friends, of course. I talk to a few people who live in the Champaign residence halls (6-pack), and that's it.
Since I've done most of the missing of IMSA people in May and June, I'm actually pretty okay with being tens to thousands of miles from IMSA people. And with my new webcam, I can chat with some of them. I've talked to Macy via webcam at least 4 times by now, and he's in Florida. He's pretty much my best friend from IMSA. He's definitely my best friend who's in a different state.
It's rainy and windy. I can hear the wind whistling.
I've been REALLY fucking tired. I don't know what it is. I've been getting 9 to 10 hours of sleep every night since Saturday night. *shrugs*
I just have to accept that I'm going to have only breaks to see my friends from far away.
I'll go see my IMSA friends. But first I have to study calculus.
I've consistently had one mid-term EVERY week since September 18. Isn't that insane how evenly it's been spread out? It holds true until this week. I don't know if I have any tests next week.
Lately, I've been working on learning Viva la Vida (thanks Coldplay for making a song title with lots of V's in it when my V key is broken!) on the piano. I've been really successful doing so- that's going on youtube.
My grandma died on September 21. I never was close to any of my extended family, my mom's side having been mostly dead since I was born and my dad's side being just plain strange. So it wasn't as big of a deal as it could have been. Still, I've decided to go to the service, and it's this weekend. The thing is, it's in Michigan-- the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. So I have to be driven three hours north to home, and then another 7 hours north to the service...and then back again. I've been in a bit of a road trip-withdrawal, so that's good.
The guys next door are douchetacular. And by guys, I mean just one guy. The other one just seems like a douche, but he's actually a good guy on the inside. He just puts on heirs like he's a douche because he thinks it's...cool? He isn't himself, and I don't like it. But I like himself...just not him so much.
I didn't think that alcohol would be so omnipotent here at college. But it is. The douche next door has been vomiting in our toilet at least twice. I don't understand how you would willingly get drunk enough to poison yourself.
I see drinking and doing drugs as cheating at life. If you can't get pleasure in any way other than altering your reality, you aren't doing it right. The words "failing at life" come to mind.
I've got to study for that calculus exam Friday. I have a chem lab that day, too. Chem labs are so tedious. Fuuuuuuck.
And Jones soda ROCKS!
Pure cane sugar KEEPS ME GOING!
FUCK HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP!
THE RIZZLE DIZZLE Y'ALL!
(I am not a sellout.)
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